Oh those eye rolls!! Sometimes I think they are going to just start spinning! Lol Remember how hard it is to be a teen and an emotional one at that. My 13 year old is still a sweet girl, not struggling like her 15 year old sister.
Meg is trying to figure out her own mind which is of course never easy. Sometimes she will still curl up with me and talk it out. Other times she is with her sister or just older brother testing the waters. I know she has wanted her dad to see her pain that he has caused but he chooses to remain blind.
Keep working on your relationship with her and you'll both be fine.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'll chime in on the video game seclusion and online friends. I think winter weather makes it worse because it's hard to get outside and do stuff and these days it's so easy to get online with friends and be social. My s15 is constantly online with friends. Sounds like you're making the most of those opportunities when you are together.
I remember how early on in all our sitch's we compared our lives to roller coasters. That example seems to fade out for all of us but I still think its true. But after being on the ride for so long we just expect it more and brace ourselves better for the drops.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
My officemate stopped by to ask if I filed for child support yet, and we had a little conversation in which she suggested I'm getting way less than I should be entitled to, and I need to get that so I can stay afloat and keep my kids in food and shoes. She said I needed to talk to her ex-H's lawyer, and gave me the number.
I had a phone consultation where the L ran my big-picture numbers and she said, no, actually, your other L is correct, it's very unlikely you'll get anything for spousal support. Nothing at all. Based on her quick calculation, my H paying the mortage amount is not a bad deal at all, it's more than she calculated his child support being.
So I'm screwed, as far as getting any value from my 20 year marriage and mommy tracked career. We're just going to be poor for a while until I figure out a way to make more money.
That's disappointing, since my officemate gets spousal support and was so sure I would.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Oops I forgot my rule. I will not be melodramatic. I will not cry "poor." Dangit.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Right now, my h is paying the mortgage, to the mortgage co. Everything else related to the home and kids is being paid by me, and i need to make more money to start breaking even or even saving.
My h got a calculation of what his child support would be, and the mortgage is a few hundred more, so he suggested this arrangement is advantageous for me.
From a purely math standpoint i think it cheats the kids because hes paying some of that right to himself in equity.
I was surprised this lawyer thought, other than technical issues about who the checks need to be written to, this might not be a bad deal. With more time we'd have to look at who gets the tax writeoff etc but the big numbers arent far off, she thought. Especially with my cashflow problem.
I was surprised that a 19 yr marriage and h making twice what i make, the courts would not favor any spousal support.
I don't mind forgoing vacations manicures and dog treats, but i feel bad that i dont have more for the kids when h seems to have plenty.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
If he insists on paying the mortgage fine but he needs to sign a quit claim deed for the mortgage so he has no rights to the house. I feel for you. I was married 19 years when the divorce came through. This was at least his second affair. Alimony will be ending this September and my 2nd of 4 kids will be coming off of child support.
I will need to get a second job of sorts soon. Not looking forward to it but I have to do what I have to.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I was surprised that a 19 yr marriage and h making twice what i make, the courts would not favor any spousal support.
Really? No alimony??
Unless your incomes are similar, in most states, the rule of thumb seems to be similar to that in my state - 1/2 the number of years you were married for a long-term marriage.
How much equity is there in the home? Who takes the tax benefit? (If he's writing the checks for the mortgage, I'm not sure you CAN take the mortgage deduction).
I agree with you - if he's paying the mortgage in lieu of child support, but he'll ultimately get the benefit of the increased equity, that's not entirely fair.
You may be better off to sell the house, take your half of the equity, and he pays child support to you. You need to crunch all the numbers.
OR - he pays you child support, you both split the mortgage and house maintenance costs, and when the kids are grown you sell the house and split the equity.
If it's been 3 years, don't hesitate and revisiting the child support amounts. Make sure you itemize all the expenses and see if the per child amount can be increased if he's making more and you're making less. Have you thought about doing Pampered Chef or something like that?
AD, these folks raised some great points. Have you interviewed more than a couple lawyers? I can always ask my old BB pal Micheletw for a recommendation. She also lives in VA. Since VA is a fault state, can't you use that to your advantage?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
