I need all the help i can get

[Upwards]

Sounds like your W doesn't like you changing for the better & wants you to stay as you are and be miserable whilst she does as she pleases... You have every right to GAL and look after yourself, your kids will be happier with a happy Dad!

Good on you for moving yourself forwards - try not to dwell on the backslide, it's done now so just focus on avoiding the same mistake in the future.

Sorry your in this situation, it's very frustrating & painful but good times will come again no matter what happens.