Barrybran IV - Three Years Forward, 30 Years Back

[25yearsmlc]

What I am asking is why you are next reading a pure relationship focused book instead of a self improvement book? I feel 5LL is putting the cart in front of the horse at the moment.

Not to quibble with this^^, b/c I agree with it, but let me toss in 2 thoughts. First, finish Div Remedy. That book forms the basis of this site's approach. Otherwise, half the advice you get here will not be properly taken in. You won't "get it" until you are more familiar with some concepts of DBing, many of which can feel counter intuitive at times.

You have to read this first b/c it's all about what to do NOW in your m.

The reason for reading 5 LL's now, is b/c I don't think you are aware of how your w receives what you "send" her.

And I thought that book would help you. But I don't care what order you read them in (except finish the DB book first)

I also think perhaps watching Shawn Achor's TED TALK on positive psychology might help you IF you aim that new paradigm at other people. (So you can see them in a more positive light.) Instead of presuming their mental inferiority & commenting on it, you can learn to see their value, their individual gifts, and something admirable in them.

In "How to Win Friends & Influence People", Dale Carnegie writes that "every person you meet in life can teach you something." I balked a bit the first time I read that, literalist that I am.

But our neighbor's son had Downs syndrome. The very first thought that came to mind was "Well wait a second, what can HE teach ME??"

Boy was I wrong. That neighbor was one of the kindest, most consistently cheerful optimistic person I've ever met. He felt joy far more often than I did. When I pondered that, I felt ashamed and amazed all at once. Carnegie was right & I was wrong.

You don't need to denigrate someone to level the field, you need to uplift yourself.

And if you think of your life and changes and imagine them on a chart or graph that marks where you were headed in life,

and compares it to where you'll be with these changes. Then you can see that small tweaks & incremental changes,

OVER TIME

bring you to a very different place than your previous course would have led you.

Hope this^^ makes sense.

STAY BRAVE. Of all the people here who DO reconcile,

as far as I can recall, each & every one of them had an LBSer who did some serious internal work.

You might have thought "how odd, what about the WAS & their work??"

But the discovery I made on this site is that usually, it's the LBSers changes that trigger changes in the relationship, and that leads to the WASs taking a second look, especially if there are children.

Let go of what you cannot control, and get a good grip on what you can, and begin the changes you want to begin.

Good luck!