I got into an EA with a coworker about 18 months ago. It ended when I discovered by W's EA/PA in Sept. I started to encourage my W to flirt with others in Aug.- out of guilt mostly. I can't tell you what I was thinking...I wasn't. After starting to see IC in October, I was diagnosed with depression (had suicidal thoughts off and on since high school). The men on my dad's side all alcoholics (how they coped with their depression). I, gladly, am not.
W tried to break her A, since it has gone underground. She says she has "strong feelings" for him, but the affair is over, but I know it's not. She has been in IC for four years dealing with her abuse from her father...she had to testify to put him in jail for abusing our niece. I internalized everything, leading me to withdraw from our M over the last few years, which left me vulnerable to EA that I sincerely regret. Now, W wants to be "in love" with me again, but can't get "the spark" back and has talked D. We've been in MC since Oct. but she wants a new one or none at all. We sort of separated in Jan. but are back in house. Doing things together, family activities, etc. From the outside, it's more than others here are lucky to have, but at the least, she still has an EA going on as she's confirmed with her feelings for OM as recently as three weeks ago. I'll stop there for now- been lurking on here for a couple months, doing 180s, GAL, and with meds, have a much better PMA about everything. She says she loves my changes, but doesn't trust them, and doesn't think her feelings for me will come back. Divorce books are in the house, but I don't ask her about them.
I know my part in this. I own it, I regret it, I've apologized often. Now she's on her journey...exacerbated by the trauma from her childhood. Thanks for the space to vent.
