TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
It's really a "come along" invite, but I had complained actually, about not feeling valued. rather than his assumption that I would just be coming along to things without his asking.This is what he heard when I said you never ask me out...lol Does that make sense to you guys?
So, he asked explicitly, so there was no grey area. That it was an invitation to me. It is with friends, an activity and then dinner at our friend's place.
I have explained that I may not be able to do the activity because of some work I need to do, but will definitely come for dinner after.
He has also texted me about various future things we are doing.
But that's today's plan, right? We all know how these things go. No wonder they do not remember anything, hard to when the mind is changing every 5 minutes!
Been here before and I have to say, I am feeling a little like our WAW analogy of the squirrel, eying the food from the safety of MY tree.
About three weeks ago we saw our MC. She said if you saw this happening to really good friends of yours, what would you advise?
I said what I would advise as the best thing and what I want to do are two different things lol!
But I said to H that if he cannot decide what to do with himself, then he certainly can't be in a relationship. That it is not enough for me to not receive the emotional support I need. Counsellor asked if I trusted H with my emotions. I said "No".
H was shocked. I said "Would I trust him with my life, with giving me anything should I need it? Absolutely. But I do not trust him with my emotions."
At the end of that session,I said that he has to be good with him before he moves anywhere in our R.
H said he just wasn't 100% sure. The counsellor said that sometimes it's just a leap of faith.
I said that most often, things aren't 100% right or wrong, just more right than wrong.
Yesterday H cleaned my house. I have been busy, 18 hour days, socks are low priority.
He spent 8 hours on laundry, floors, little things, tightening stuff etc. Then he invited me over to his place for a drink after class.
After a glass of wine he said he wants to continue with MC and work on our marriage. Not see where it goes, not work on our relationship. Work on the marriage.
I also put in place boundaries at that session, H was not allowed to stay over, or any physical (other than a hug or kiss). I also told him that if he wanted to stay over, it was his call, because it would mean he was "in".
He asked to stay over on Saturday. He also took initiative and made our MC appt.
I agree - wonderful news and wow on the cleaning, that's pretty amazing. That is encouraging that he made the MC appt too. Keep us posted!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Kate, The hard part is beginning. Keep your expectations as low as possible and dig deeper for more patience. If you haven't read any of reachingHigher's postings, you might want to do so because she's on track w/her marriage now. T2 is another good example of working on his marriage w/his wife in the home.
Good luck and please continue to post. You'll need to come here to vent and/or blow off steam if he gets under your skin too much.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ruby, I’m so happy for you! What a rollercoaster you’ve been on with him trying to decide one way or another. Good job keeping your boundaries and sticking to your truth.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
So happy for you Ruby. You have stayed true to yourself and authentic with your H. I am so so happy for you. So much love to you my picnic sister... How about a glass of bubbly to celebrate before the hard work begins..?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
