The family thing is tough. When H left he took all the family with him. I have no family here and I'm not emotionally close to my brothers, by choice.

I was p!ssed! Family events and gatherings were always more important to me than him and he ends up with the family. I'm smiling now at how crazy that sounds and how much expectation and judgment is included in that statement.

Anyway, I found that they weren't nearly as important to me as I thought. I also found out I wasn't as important to them as I thought. (they're all very closed emotionally) But it's OK.

After we reconciled I told H that while I harbored no ill feelings toward his family and I would visit them whenever he wanted, I was no longer going to be the planner/connector for family events.

It was easy to give up because my controlling self had created that role and the went along with it.

I shake my head thinking about it and how much better life is without expectations and judgment (not that I'm completely free of those things #WIP smile ) I explained it to my IC as feeling untethered, freeing.

Thanks for jogging my memory. You, my friend, are doing great. There will be hills to climb but you have the tools.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss