Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Well I had a money talk with the W.

She told me again that she was going away and I steered clear of questions pertaining to that.

I said with that money I transferred over are you going to pay the bills? Just to let her know without saying it that I don't care what you do in your life just pay the bills first.(I didn't say this to her. Should I have?).

She said nothing was due but the car insurance. I said the mortgage is due the installment is due besides the insurance.

She muttered and expletive under breath and said I forgot Feb is a short month and those are due.

I said no problem just wanted to make you aware since I gave you my money already.

She then went on to say how she is not making any money hardly at all. I said that must be tough. She said she gets money when it is available from her odd job.

I said ok well I am sure you will figure it out somehow.

Later she said she paid those bills and transferred money from savings to pay the insurance like we discussed. I said you transferred half the bill your portion right? She no the whole amount, I said well I already included my half in the money I gave this morning. I will transfer that out and into the savings.
She said or you could leave it and it will pay other bills I said your right let me think about that.

When she came to the room I was in about 20 mins later. She said "do you understand what I am doing with that money? It is how I told you it would happen But you screwed up and gave me money last week for the bill we got screwed on" I said my understanding is you are lacking money and needed some from the saving to cover your portion. I will still pay my share from my checking account.

She said "NO! That money in the savings is both of ours correct?" I said "legally yes" in my mind morally its no but didn't say it.

She said" since it is both our money then I paid the whole thing as one that makes it fair. It is not right for me to take from the savings and not you." I must have had a puzzled look because she said" I just don't have the money right now and if you needed money that is how we would do it also." I said "thats fine you are doing a great job with the bills."

This morning I woke up not mad but a little miffed that she was complaining about money but still going away.

I asked her 6 months ago to give half of the extra money from our escrow overpayment. She said she would. I left it go till I moved home and again asked her for it. No response.

So this morning to give her something to think about while she is away. Maybe I shouldn't have but I did. I said "just something to think about when you are figuring out March's budget for yourself."

"I would like and I don't need it right now but before the end of the month(March) I would like my portion of the escrow money I have been asking you about."

She said:I used that money for bills.

I said: I know your half but mine technically is still owed to me because I gave you money to completely pay my part each month.

She said: But all the work I did around over summer I figured covered that.

I said: Cutting the grass is a household chore and I always offered to do it but you said no.

She said: I don't have it I will borrow it.

I said: you don't have to do that I don't need it today just didn't want to surprise you with it in a couple weeks that wouldn't be fair.

I walked away to gather my thoughts and started to feel bad. So I went back to talk to her.

I said: I am sorry if me telling this upsets you but that was not my goal.

She said: But I have no money, you see the account, you see I don't buy things for myself. I buy this and that is it(pointing to her gym supplements).

I said: It is not my business nor do I care but you get cash from where you are working so I don't know how much you are making and what you are spending or buying.

She said: money is tight I told you so I am not getting much. I am looking for a job every day. I just thought all the work I did around here all summer covered it(look back in my thread and you will see other than grass cutting not much else was accomplished till I moved back.)

I said: that is a household chore and speaking of which soon I want to start painting the house.

She said: We will have to talk about that. When it warms up we will put the house on the market.

I said: it needs a lot of work first IMO.

She said: the L's I spoke to said just put it on the market.

I said: Oh you have a L?

She said: NO just talked to a couple.

I said: Oh ok

She said: Is there anything else you would like to tell me before I leave for work?

I said: No, Do you have anything you would like to tell me?

She said: I don't really feel like talking to you right now.

I said: I understand

She left for work. Did I handle this like I should have?

The only thing I think is maybe I shouldn't have brought up the escrow money discussion.

I did it for two reasons 1.) I could use the money and 2.) I wanted to give her something to think about while she is away(maybe ruin her trip a bit) and maybe think about not doing things when she has no money or at is complaining about not having any money.

I know where she is going and I think I know with who. But since it is not a deal breaker and no concrete I will not bring that up. It is on her to do that. I will just let it go. There was no yelling at all just I think frustration on her part because of no money.

When it gets to this point and now she has told me she has no money how do I proceed?

Will this make a WAW think about how it was in the past in regards to money security?

I don't want her to think about the way the M was before conflict wise. I hope this wouldn't happen.


Will it make her run away farther?

It is just me but if an A is happening either EA/PA or both. I would have thought by now if there was any hope of a future with the OM my W would have told me by now.

That's why my patience is helping a great deal right now. Will it pay off? I don't want her to be a cake eater. How can I prevent this or do I just keep on doing what I have been?


Suggestions, comments, advice appreciated.