I have read a bit about narcissistic behavior in the past . . . it's funny bc we always say H's Dad is a narcissist. And H's Dad says that H's nephew (at age 12) is a narcissist. So perhaps it is genetic . . . .
I'm slowly starting to realize that my H really is limited. At his full capacity, in many ways, he could not keep up with my full capacity. I don't mean that to sound rude or like I think I am better than him; I just think that he had poor role models and has a very weak sense of self. I am thinking about whether maybe, he did do everything he could, to his full capacity. And it just wasn't enough for me. So he gave up.
I haven't come to any conclusions, just mulling things over.
Sigh. Yes, Betsey, I do find it funny/ridiculous/condescending/hypocritical that he spends $3000 a month on a 2-bedroom apartment and then tells me to watch my spending. Had he bitched about anything on my Amex bill, I planned to say (with my DB friends' blessings, of course), "we all take care of ourselves in different ways."
Yay, I got the Wonka Stamp of Approval (TM) !!!!!
Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head and start responding without posting here first.
I don't know what my H is thinking, or if he is trying to pull something with the insistence that we sit down and chat . . . it is suspicious how he is suddenly acting so nice now, though. Mr. Charming. Thankfully, I know he can change with the snap of the fingers, so while I will enjoy it, I won't buy into it.
Thanks, Betsey, for the suggested response. I think I will end up sending something like that, but perhaps with even less explanation. Then, if he sends me an email, I will say thank you, and I will forward it to my lawyer so he knows what H is thinking.
I no longer expect apologies from my H. I know better now. I was just wondering, because my H makes me feel like I expect too much, if it is too much to expect from a normal person in this instance.
That goes back to him being limited. He kept saying he can't live up to my standards, and said that my standards were ridiculous and impossible to meet; but I felt like they were just simple courtesy. Like apologizing after treating someone like crap, or sending a thank you note when someone sends a gift, or a handyman cleaning up the mess on the floor after cutting out a piece of drywall to fix something. (Can you tell I am not just speaking generally anymore?)
Anyone who likes convertibles and sunshine, come see me and we will go for a ride! But you have to wait a while because they haven't even started production on the model I ordered, so it will be a few months yet.
25, don’t worry a bit about my hair because my car comes with a wind deflector, and anyway, I will just keep a ponytail holder and brush in my car. And yeah, there is no way my kids are eating candy (or anything else) in my car.
I was kidding about the tramp stamp (sacrum tattoo) , though I do always sort of drool over the tattoos I see on women at yoga all the time. Funny, I asked my H several times (esp. after I lost my wedding band twice) if we could get tattoo rings. How odd that he wasn’t interested . . . .
Sorry I am bouncing around here, but yes, 25, I do think that my H wanted the Amex bill (along with my answers to his many questions) because he is very fearful that I am trying to screw him over. He actually thought, when I hired a L, that was a sign that I was going to try to take the kids away from him. I feel like maybe he could be a little more rational and refrain for once from assuming the absolute worst about me (or perhaps just ASK me about things rather than spit out hateful accusations), but I guess that’s a stupid expectation.
3boyz, thanks for your post. Of course it makes perfect sense. I do very much want to be proud of the way I handled this and treated my H, yes. I am just having trouble finding the happy medium between being mad and shutting him out entirely and being a doormat. I know there is a lot in between but I can’t seem to find it. I think it’s harder when he is constantly changing emotions, but I think that’s the point – I need to stay on my path regardless of what he says or does.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
