How do you guys keep from moping and thinking about your sitch all the time? This is when I get needy and end up calling/texting/declaring undying love.....
Cheers R
GAL is needed to Detach. GAL must include some new people in your life, preferably people who do not know your situation so they don't remind you of your situation. And doing solo activities ought to be limited, imo. IF you choose things that are stimulating enough, you won't be obsessing about your WAS. That's just true.
I was in a play at one point and realized 2-3 hours had passed during rehearsal, and I had laughed a lot, focussed on what I was doing on stage, and for the first time in months, I did Not think of h a single time. That helps!
GAL to achieve Detachment, which is needed to Let go...
Letting go is NOT giving up, it is moving on.
Moving on is not giving up, it's simply moving forward and swimming to the other shore.
You cannot swim to the other shore -of your new fulfilling life- and constantly look over your shoulder to check on the WAS to see if they're following or noticing or reacting in any way...you won't ever get to the other side that way. Do NOT do what I did my first year here...wondering and asking WHY?? and HOW?? and what is h doing/planning/feeling/thinking...
what a waste of time. I could have spent that time on MY NEW LIFE and my kids'...b/c only when I did that, did H ever worry that "WE" might not always be here for him. Remember, it's not about them now.
It's about you GAL, which is step one.
For GAL suggestions, let me mention some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, even in the winter. I had 3 kids including a baby (so you know I don't want to hear about how you are 'too busy' to GAL).
Inertia is the greatest enemy to GAL. Overcome that, & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life.
IMO, the more you overcome inertia, the better your R's will be with all people, including your w. OKAY: My GAL List:
I volunteered at a battered women's shelter. (That lead to me being put on the board of director's there, which ended up helping me land a job elsewhere, later).
I coached a girl's softball team, two summers (my older D was on it). I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, (b/c our son wrestled). I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast, too.
I did stand up comedy (and yes, I still do it).
I did a whole set once on a MLCs at The Improv in Hollywood. It went very well. I learned to cross country ski, & I became a better firearms shooter. I Learned to hunt big game, to deep sea fish, & I got better at downhill skiing.
I learned to use a snowmobile ("snow machine" to Alaskans) I loved riding it!
I Learned to fly a plane, and I got a pilot's license. I edited a book. (The book ended up on the Best Seller's List. Who knew?)
I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I really did get in excellent shape.
Yes, Looking good made a world of difference to me. (Plus I'd just had our last child and needed to lose the baby weight. It was not easy to do, let alone in the dark, deathly of their long LONG cold winters. But depression CAN be a motivator, ironically. I think you can just get sick & tired of feeling sick & tired...).
In the winter, I used a tanning booth, which helped me a lot with depression. I felt more energized, and it probably helped my appearance, which also helps us FEEL better.
(Yes I know that those tanning booths pose skin cancer risks. But I was facing a LONG brutal winter, again, and made the choice I felt was healthiest for me at the time). Spent one afternoon a week reading to d10's class;
I Saw a therapist and for some months, & I went on ADs.
Took a pottery class (very odd for me to do, but I liked it a lot).
Joined the Officer's Wives club, after 15 years of h being active duty.
(Wish I had joined sooner! I met two women who are life long friends to this day.)
I Joined a writer's group Took a class in Conversational French Took a class in Italian cooking
There is more, but I just wanted to suggest to you a few things you can do that do not cost a lot.
Other than pilot training, most of these ^^ activities were free, or quite cheap.
Really, we hammer GAL a lot here. (And 180s). I hammer the GAL so much b/c it saved me from feeling so desperate and made the "time in limbo" pass by a lot faster.
GAL works.
Good luck!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
