you were both in much better places before the mediator. since that meeting you've been more of a wreck. and he's been more "confused" and absolutely nothing has been accomplished.
so in that respect the mediator is a failure. she did nothing but cause confusion and overreactions. and has anything actually been legally accomplished as far as division of assets?
You always ask what WE would do in a certain situation. So I am going to tell you: in your case, I would deal with the business end of things and leave reconciliation alone. The business end of things is your livlihood and your shelter. And while I am not dismissing your relationship in any way, legally speaking, you were not married and under the law, you are treated differently than a legal spouse, especially when it comes to property.
Why would I take reconcilation off the table? Because nothing that your SO promises you is legally enforceable, unlike the business end. If you give up your half of the business because he promises to buy a house with you, the court cannot enforce that decision if he does not follow through - but YOU would still be left with nothing of the business.
So he is confused about personal things? Poor guy. Well, then deal with the business side.
From my POV, Magic, your SO is being manipulative. He knows your every button to push. He whines and talks...blah, blah, blah...all talk and no action. He's confused. Right. Meanwhile, the legal issues go unattended.
ESPECIALLY because you have repeatedly said that you don't want the OW involved. She is. So, how then are you still not dealing with the business side of things?
Are you willing and able to set a boundary: no more relationship/reconciliation talks until the OW is not in the picture at all? That is your starting point, Magic. What are you willing to accept? He isn't "confused"; his actions are clearly not confused - he puts on a good show and knows that it is enough to keep you strung. He wants a fun time in a hotel room? Snort. I'll bet. Don't confuse that for a real commitment for anything other than what it is - a booty call.
So, as it stands, he isn't giving up the OW. How do YOU feel about that? Pushing him won't work, as you can see. And if you can't set a firm boundary, does that mean that you back off?
It boils down to YOU, Magic. Ignore the blah, blah, blah from him. What is it that YOU want to do that is in YOUR control? I know you want him to declare his undying and committed love but YOU don't control that. You're stuck with what things ARE. Too much conversation and way too little action.
If you don't want to have relationship talks unless with the help of a counsellor, as you said, then you put that in his court. He says no to the counsellor, then you have to decide what YOU want to do then. Do you continue to listen to him or do you enforce that boundary?
