Not sure this will help or just make you laugh, but one thing I had to do when h was gone (but while we all still lived in Alaska), was taking the trash to the "Dump". I had never done it.
So, I kid you not, it was -35F' (yeah, ambient temperature) and dark and snowing and I HAD to get rid of the trash.
Used h's big crazy truck to take it. THEN learned that "oops" no defroster in front, so I had to have the window DOWN for the 10 minute drive to the trash place...longest, coldest 10 minutes of driving in my life and the whole time I was either cursing h out loud (to the wind) or laughing at myself for how insane driving with a window down, is at that temperature.
Got to the trash place and there was a game warden with a gun b/c of the bears...so, under "armed" escort, I unloaded the trash and left...
50 other examples of "when your h is gone..." but that one was a true first for me.
I DID eventually say "thank you" to h (and our son) for having done it all that time before. I never grasped what a hassle it was for him/them.
Truly, the desire to punish my h existed long before I was aware of it. I had a lot of resentments for how many times I was alone as a wife/ mother, only to have a h want to keep doing what HE wanted. I felt WE had all been moving for his career the whole time (true, but he was also the breadwinner then)
and it took my DB coach probing my motivations, to get me to see it. NOT a proud moment for me.
I don't mean to project that onto you. I simply mention it b/c I think we all do it to some extent and maybe I just rationalized it better for longer.
Hence the comment about finding that fine line...shifting and blurry at times...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
