I may have done too much

[D2ndday]

Thank you Zew and Lost! Somehow I missed this post Zew,

Yup, have to agree with TA here. The WAW wishes you were out of the house and out of her life, so why would she say anything? My W stays up in our room most of the time when I'm home. She is usually asleep by the time I go to our bed. And I'm up first in the morning, working out then making the kids' beds. I don't initiate morning conversation anymore, because that almost always got shot down, but I've noticed that now that I'm just silent, she'll usually start by telling me what her day plans are. I acknowledge, politely, but don't dig for any detail. Seems counter-intuitive, since if I were doing a 180, I would be engaging in more conversation, but that's not the way it works with WAW.
Yes, have to say that living with a WAW adds a whole dimension to DBing, but you're limited to pretty much the same toolbox. Detach. Let her do her thing without trying to make any sense of it, because you just can't. Work on not letting her jerk your chain. And know that there are many of us in the same boat.

In the moment, it is hard but I am here today. The world did not end. LOL! I am trying to do that. This post is so how its been. I am trying to not make sense of it. I had this whole post I was going to make about the note she left this AM, trying to make sense of it. But there was nothing really there, and right now it is best not to spend any time thinking about the note. It really was nothing new in there. I don't want to spend any time over analyzing what she was saying or might have meant in it.

As far as having a conversation to point out the error in her ways. I will not be doing that anytime soon. It is clear to me she is not only not using common sense, but also that she cant see it, and does not want to.

I realized I was arguing with someone using the logic of a 13 year old teenager

Exactly how it feels!! To a T. She is just so close minded right now. It was frustrating back in Dec, when she said she was unhappy, because I started to see how skewed her emotional logic was. She was unhappy but unwilling to accept or want help. I don't mean from me, I just mean in general from anyone. Answers to questions, and things she would say, I would feel like, why aren't you getting help? I mean she had already told me I couldn't, of course, and I get that. She said early on she thought she would see an IC, but never did. When Bomb dropped, the reason and feeling she said she had, made no sense. I am not just saying that because I disagree with her, or that she was wrong or lying. I am just saying her expression of them, was someone who does not know how to express feelings. I mean real feelings, not basic ones like happy, sad, etc. This would be a hurdle that if there was to be a future, would need to be addressed. Not there now, but someday if it comes.

Lost, your words have helped, and they did get my mind to slow down. Early in, I started getting intense anxiety. Well, this was not an issue in the past. It is just when tension is high, I feel pressure to react. In this place that I am, not reacting raises my anxiety because I cant react. Like I cant plan long term, I can work on me now, but I cant react the way I want to. This would have been like my earlier posts, wanting to tell her to leave, filling D. Things like that. Because that is who I have been. A leader and wanting to make things happen. So not reacting, when things happen, I start getting anxious. I feel it in my chest, it just tightens up and heart starts going, like I have to do something now. I have started doing things like working out which helps with that. But long story short, your words, and the words of others here, help give me pause and slow down. I re-read them when I need to.

2 days off, W wont be back till Friday. Have the house to myself. Time to get up and get some stuff done. I have some projects for myself lined up and I so that's what I am going to do. Leave the rest for later, I don't have to deal with the feelings and the M, A, any of it right this moment, what I can do, is my projects. That's what's next.