Part 2-H moving out

[Georgiabelle]

Heather,

Thanks for stopping by. It's pathetic isn't it? H was allegedly too sick to take kids to school this am but was able to go out tonight. Not a surprise, but as I was sitting at a Cub Scouts meeting watching my oldest son and helping d9 with a book report (while s4 played with a little girl), I started to get angry. The kids don't deserve a DB (sadly not a defensive back) for a dad. I just keep telling them how grateful I am to have them and how many people love them.

[BklynMom]

Georgia - I relate so much to your story especially how the bomb came out of nowhere for you and that once he dropped the bomb he was essentially checked out.

I think you are doing amazing for having this be so new in your lives.

I read what your 4 yr old said when you guys told them H was moving out and it brakes my heart but I am not surprised your H didnt even hear it.

You are right our children dont deserve this but I really believe the most important thing we can teach them is how to deal with hard times. I look at the woman who lost part of her leg in the boston marathon bombing and how she remains positive and happy. There are many many people less fortunate then us and we must use them as our inspiration.

Also have you checked out the Laura Munson book This ISnt the Season you think it is.

Stay strong and happy for the kids. You are so blessed

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Brooklyn Mom. Yes, I look at all 3 of my kids and they are such amazing, funny, perceptive people. I am beyond thrilled My h has in his own words "left behind his responsibilities." I hate it for the kids, but it really is his loss.

I agree. I have always told my kids we don't always get what we want and sometimes we go through difficult stuff to get to better times.

[Georgiabelle]

I texted h at 6:20 this am to see if he was coming to take kids to school (he's supposed to be there at 6). He texted that he was on his way. (horse caca-I woke him up). My very observant 10 year old son said, "Mommy, you know Daddy lies now. You know you woke him up and you know one day he just won't show up." I was a bit shocked by what he said, but again, kids are so very perceptive. I said, "One day at a time" to my son. He did arrive at 6:45.

I'm taking my 9 year old daughter to play trivia tonight at a pizza place while the boys stay with a sitter. Oh, and h asked if he was still on for babysitting tomorrow night. Is it babybsitting when it is your own kids? Yeesh

[job]

I hope that you and your daughter will enjoy your night out. As for your h and the question about babysitting...the next thing he'll ask about is what are you paying him to sitting with the kids. LOL!

They truly are in another world.

[CallaghanClown]

Just keep looking after you. Over time you'll worry less about what and why he's doing stuff and just get on with being you. I find it easier to just tick the crazy box and move on. Don't get me wrong I have bad day when I'm consumed by what he's doing.....but I try to minimise these days and do something nice for me.

You've got a great list of things to keep you going. Remember, your kids need you. Make yourself happy and they will follow. Be there for them for anything they need but don't be consumed by them either....it won't serve you well.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks everyone. Oh I'm struggling with something. I have a difficult time trusting and I trusted h with everything. As soon as I discovered he was giving play by play of our marriage to the girl he started working with mid October, it just reinforced to me that you can't really trust or know someone. I don't want to be that way, but when h's behavior changed so drastically, he had the audacity to say I didn't trust him. Ugh. Hello?

I'm going to have to work with my therapist on this. How could someone change so suddenly? As my d9 said, it's like someone flipped a switch in h-as an h and a dad.

[job]

Georgia,
He didn't change w/a flip of a switch...but it may feel that way. He began to gradually change over time, approximately 18-14 months prior to the BD. The changes are so subtle that you most likely didn't pick up on them. Once they have detached from us completely and they are ready to "escape" that is when the mirror image of your h comes into play.

You can't trust him nor can you rely on him. He's found someone that he can talk to about his problems and he thinks his problems stem from being w/you. Unfortunately, that's really not the case. His problem comes from within himself. Everything associate w/his marriage, i.e., you, the kids, the home, pets, bills, etc., are all at fault for why he feels the way he does. As he continues on w/his journey, he will discover that he's mad at the world and nothing you do will please him. Why, he'll even blame you if the sky is pink!

The best thing to do is take care of you and your family. Keep the focus on you and watch your bills and your bank accounts. Protect your assets as best you can.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Job. You are right. I can look back and see some subtle signs. For him, being employed (having an income) probably helped with the BD. He does blame me for everything. Apparently all of these things were "wrong" but he just failed to mention them to me. I never went out with him on Valentine's Day (we went once in 12 years but I don't recall him asking or locating a babysitter to plan this adventure). He just wanted to hold my hand. He went off his medication during vacation a couple of years ago to see if I really loved him. I never loved him as much as he loved me. I wasn't committed said the man who moved out...


UGH....I'm in a bit of a funk right now and I need to work on this. Thanks for the insight. I do appreciate and now I must apply. And I do agree, I wouldn't trust or rely on him for ANYTHING at this point....except maybe giving me a headache.:)

[job]

I know it's difficult, but remember that he has to vilify you and everything about his former life in order to justify what he's doing right now.

Take care of yourself and allow God to have your h for a while.