I will try not to worry about the future too much, however, this is what I do. I plan. Planning is my second nature. I like to have plans and dreams and hopes about everything. I guess I am an extremely sensitive person, and right now I need to find the "inability" to feel anything.
I am a planner too. You can still plan, you just have to accept that you are planning things without your W. Plan things for you, to keep you moving and GALing. Right now, you don't know what your future looks like. The only thing you can do right now is accept that. As has been wisely pointed out to me many times, you never knew what your future looked like before, either.
You can still have hopes and dreams - for you. You can still hope and dream about what your life looks like . . . that you are happy, healthy, fulfilled, a good R with your D, and maybe even love - you don't have to know who it is with. Maybe it will be with your W. Maybe not. You need to see that there is more than one possible happy outcome for you. It's something that you just have to keep reminding yourself - it takes a good long while to sink in.
And NOOOOOO, you do not want to find an inability to feel anything. Good lord, that is the worst thing you can do! Don't stuff your emotions. You need to go through this. Feel your emotions. Lean into them.
You can't skip this, or hasten it, or not feel it. You have to live it.
Just believe that, one way or the other, you will come out better on the other side.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
