OK, so are you saying there is little to no equity in the house?
If so, you would be an idiot to trade your share of his pension for non-existent equity in the house.
I would NOT trade away that pension share for anything other than hard cash or its equivalent. I certainly wouldn't trade it away for more alimony - if he gets disabled and can't work, the courts would reduce that alimony. So don't trade the pension share for anything other than a solid asset that can be converted to cash.
Also remember the tax ramifications of any arrangement. For instance, alimony paid to you is taxable income for you, and a tax deduction for him. You have to pay taxes on that alimony that he pays you.
Heather, When you get some of the things narrowed down and he's agreeable, suggest getting a life insurance policy that will indicate that his daughter(s) are the beneficiaries. He may not think it's necessary, but it's a good one to have in place because of your youngest daughter's condition.
KML, It may not be legal the way I suggested, but there are many that do it and come out the other side when their spouses are killed. I know of one case whereby my xh's step mother had a policy drawn up on his father after they separated and he was living w/ow at the time of his death. She never let on she had the policy until after the funeral and she came away w/a nice chunk of change. I don't know how she pulled it off, but I was always "shocked" by what she did.
Heather, I think you are on the right track.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me: Ok, let's do this (shouldn't have been so bossy!). I know you are working...Let's tackle D11's support first. Think on it...the amount and timeframe. Get back to me on that. I'm countering with $700 for 10 years.
Let's see what he does. He's probably still pissed about the email where I mentioned all the bad stuff he did this last year. He will stew for a bit, but I think he will appreciate me breaking this down and simplifying things. He gets really overwhelmed and full of anxiety with this kind of stuff. Hates details like this.
And, I'm emailing work, so it's good to know he still has a job!! All good news!!
I will mention the life insurance after we agree on support.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Also, when you make your financial comparisons and decisions - add up all the costs of carrying the house (mortgage principle and interest, property taxes and insurance) and the average annual cost of repairs, plus the additional gas and mileage from being out in the country.
The compare that to the cost of renting somewhere closer to town.
You may take into account anticipated rise in value of the home, but also consider major repairs (like a new roof) that may be anticipated in the future. For instance, if you think you'll need a new roof in ten years, and a new roof would cost $10,000, add $1,000 a year to the cost of carrying your house.
Only consider keeping the house if 1) it's someplace you really love living 2) it's the same or cheaper than renting when ALL costs are figured 3) you are positive you can keep it without going into foreclosure 4)you anticipate a significant rise in value in the future.
Do the math. Don't get caught up in the emotional issues. Everybody wants to save the home for their kids but it may be a bad financial choice for you. You need financial security more than you need this house.
Heather, I'm going to ask you a personal question and you do not have to answer it...but do you have a will in place? If not, you need to think about that. Why? Because you are right now the sole custodial parent of your youngest daughter. Even though you are still married, you want to ensure that she's taken care of and what you would like to do w/the rest of your worldly possessions. You need to have someone named as your executor so that he/she can oversee your wishes if, God forbid, something were to happen to you.
Again, this is something you can think about doing when you have a moment to breathe.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We have an old will. I have thought about his ALOT. If something happens to me, God forbid...I need to address this. I know.
The will currently states SIL gets D11 which is, now, not ok with me. Problem is, I'm not sure who to put in place. Maybe my brother and SIL...?? Not sure H would agree to this though.
I will add this to the list. My head hurts.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
