Floatin down the mighty rivers of British Columbia

[LoisB]

The retirement is impossible to factor because it's PERS. It could half a mil or $200,000 or whatever????

That's what makes this hard.

But, I get what you're saying about the equity.

I will ask.

[kml]

The retirement is impossible to factor because it's PERS. It could half a mil or $200,000 or whatever????

No, it's not impossible to factor. Normally in a divorce you divide the retirement assets and pensions with a QDRO, there are actuaries and formulas and they figure it all out.

This is why you need a LAWYER. You need a valuation before you can figure out if you're getting a good deal or not.

Now - I don't know a lot about PERS, but I'm assuming it works out somewhat like a pension or social security.

In my case, my ex had a defined benefit pension. His benefit was accrued at 2% of his final salary per year work for the first 20 years worked, then 1% per year for the next 10 years. Maxed out at 50% of his final salary.

I was married to him for the first 17 1/2 years. Unfortunately, the formulas they use don't credit me with the fact that those years were the highest years of percentage accumulation - I just get my retirement based on a ratio of 17 1/2 years /30 years x 1/2. (Or something like that - I've got the papers in my files).

Anyway, my point is, there are formulas to figure all this out. Maybe get your bookkeeper friend to help you with the math.

[LoisB]

It doesn't work out like normal retirement. Two attorneys told me that we'd have to pay to have someone figure out an estimate of the retirement. $1000 and up. It's all tied up in investments until he CHOOSES to retire. After he retires, then, I get a percentage based on the time we were married and the time he is in the job and so forth. It's really complicated.

I could be giving up $100 grand or more.

[kml]

Also, it's important to figure out - if your H is in the pERS system, does that mean he was opted out of social security? (That's what happens in my state - you pay into PERS INSTEAD of social security).

If that's the case, it's even more important for you to get part of the retirement, because you won't be able to claim social security based on his SS benefits. (Normally, if you've been married 10 years, and are single when you retire, you can choose the spousal benefit of your ex-husband's social security if that's more than what you earned on your own).

Also - are you telling me you don't KNOW what the equity in the house is right now??? It's pretty simple - what's the balance on the mortgage, subtracted from your best guess as to the current sales value of the house.

(Note that these calculations usually don't include the cost of selling the house, so you get shorted there. i.e. house worth 200k, 100k mortgage, 100k equity. But if YOU take the house, then have to sell it a year later for 200k, you don't end up with 100 k cash. You end up with 100k minus 6% realtor fees - closing costs - cost of fixing the house up for sale - maybe 90k if you're lucky.)

[job]

Heather,
I'm glad to see that you and your h are actually talking. It sounds like the negotiations are in full force. I would take the information he's given you and start some number crunching. The woman doing your books for you might be able to help you. Time to start sharpening that old pencil and begin the number crunching.

I find it interesting that he's willing to give you the house equity if you leave his retirement alone.

KML is right about one thing...take out a life insurance policy on him today and do not tell him. You need to do it before anything is put in place as a fall back for your daughter.

No 2X4's from me...because I see that communication is going forward and he's right...divorce will cost both of you money, money you could use elsewhere.

Breathe and continue to look at this as a business deal. You can do this!

[LoisB]

In Ohio, you get SS AND PERS.

I wonder, K, you bring up a good point. I wonder if I could take the papers his dad draws up and have one attorney look them over for the financials and another for the visitation??

I liked the one attorney because he was a wiz with financials, but the other understood addiction and child rights better.

I would just want to pay for the each to look over the papers and make suggestions for me to add.

[kml]

Look online at your state PERS system - they may have an online calculator that could give you a rough idea.

Yes, a QDRO may cost about a $1,000 - but it will be worth every penny if it protects your interest in his pension.

I would not give up your share of the pension unless the house equity is easily worth more.

How much does he have in his PERS account right now? The other thing that might happen is you get your share split off now via QDRO and transferred into an IRA.

[LoisB]

I will check on the calculator. It's weird, the retirement is the hill he will die on. He takes his retirement wayyyyy more seriously than his kids.

I already checked. Ohio doesn't do it that way in terms of transferring money to an IRA. I can only touch the money once he retires and, then, I get my amount sent monthly...that's it.

[kml]

KML is right about one thing...take out a life insurance policy on him today and do not tell him. You need to do it before anything is put in place as a fall back for your daughter.

Job - this is not legal. He has to agree to the life insurance policy. And ideally, he would be required to pay for the insurance policy (I pay for my policy on my ex, but that's because I don't trust him to make the payments. He insisted I reduce our already-existing life insurance policy - even though I was paying - so that I wouldn't "unduly profit" from his death lol. As if I was going to put a hit out on him for an extra 200k.)

[LoisB]

I need to get the monthly support thing nailed down before we go into the retirement. I'm chunking this.

I may just approach the $800 child support for 10 years first. He gets overwhelmed so easily. I need to take this one step atta time.

Let's get him to agree to child support. I pointed out that I want 10 years because of D11's disability. I will hammer that one out first. Get this agreed.

In the meantime, I will do some retirement research. No, the house equity will be ridiculous. We just modified the loan a few months ago.

He's not thinking equity or anything. I will gather my information before I hit him with that. This guy is hanging onto life by a thread right now. I think the mere mention of equity will cause his brain to explode.

I shouldn't have given him so much today.

You live, you learn. I will slow down. At least I know he isn't filing for divorce. I don't hear him wanting to pay. I think he is afraid I will get money from my parents and file against HIM.

I need to step back, relax and handle him like a wee lil kitten.

I can do this!

Thanks for the help K. Always very appreciated.