own buz 22:mediation to reconcilliation, hopefully

[LoisB]

DING! DING!

Houston, I think we may have found the problem. Magic, my mom is a substance abuse counselor--for the past 35 years and I worked for her for years. I did assessments for her.

I'm, obviously, in no position to assess for a substance abuse problem here. BUT, this makes a lot of sense why everyone of the boards seems to get their feathers ruffled with you.

Couple of things seem to strike me as red flags and may be something to consider.

1) Your friend's concern/anger over your drinking. Red Flag. Has anyone expressed concern in the past over your drinking?

2) "I want to be a social drinker" --Red Flag. Social drinkers don't say stuff like that. You either are or you aren't. If you have your own secret concerns about your drinking, this statement makes sense.

3)"I used to drink 1/2 to 3/4 bottle of (homemade) wine per day. Starts off while cooking then during dinner, etc. I have NEVER been drunk or tipsy off this stuff. I can handle it."

Red Flag: "I can handle it." Never met an alkie who didn't say this. You have high tolerance. High Tolerance is a red flag.

4)"I try to drink, it just doesnt feel the same anymore." The same than what? Red Flag. Sounds like later stage alcoholism. You have moved past the high and now it doesn't do "it" like it used to.

5) "I LOVE Wine!! I want to be a social drinker."

Normal drinking means you can take it or leave. I don't hear that from you. Do you ever intend to be a social drinker, but end up having episodes like the one the other night that pissed off your friend?

6) "I can't even do 2 days back to back. I sometimes go more than a week without a drink."

Red Flag: You are measuring your drinking, paying attention to how much and how long you go with/without drinking. Have you ever tried to stop in the past? How long?

7) Did your H or daughter ever have concerns about your drinking?

I asked about the alcohol yesterday because, Magic, sometimes it comes off as if you have deep denial about something. I may be wrong and I probably only pick up on it because I've had/have experienced deep denial too.

Prior to BD, I used to drink 1/2 to 3/4 bottle of (homemade) wine per day. Starts off while cooking then during dinner, etc. I have NEVER been drunk or tipsy off this stuff. I can handle it. After BD, I lost my drinking buddy (h). I also lost my desire and flavor for wine. I pretty much stopped drinking. THIS WAS NOT ME!! I LOVE Wine!! I want to be a social drinker. I try to drink, it just doesnt feel the same anymore. I can't even do 2 days back to back. I sometimes go more than a week without a drink.

I suggest an assessment. You may need to confront the drinking before you can tackle any of these other issues. Otherwise, your threads will continue to be a cycle of frustration, denial, anger and spewing.