own buz 22:mediation to reconcilliation, hopefully

[makingmagic]

Heather:

I asked about the alcohol yesterday because, Magic, sometimes it comes off as if you have deep denial about something. I may be wrong and I probably only pick up on it because I've had/have experienced deep denial too.Prior to BD, I used to drink 1/2 to 3/4 bottle of (homemade) wine per day. Starts off while cooking then during dinner, etc. I have NEVER been drunk or tipsy off this stuff. I can handle it. After BD, I lost my drinking buddy (h). I also lost my desire and flavor for wine. I pretty much stopped drinking. THIS WAS NOT ME!! I LOVE Wine!! I want to be a social drinker. I try to drink, it just doesnt feel the same anymore. I can't even do 2 days back to back. I sometimes go more than a week without a drink.

Magic, I hear you being one really scared lady. And, it sounds like other people have called the shots in your life for a long time. TRUE, I have enabled them. I feared the outcome.

Just by hanging in, here on the thread, I see someone trying....trying to be better, trying to change, fighting for a better life. Yes, this is me...ALWAYS. Thank you

And, I think everyone deserves some encouragement, not harsh criticism, when they try. The drinking thing was a mistake and you seem to acknowledge it. Thank you

I'm choosing to focus on the fact that you aren't dwelling on your H like you were. I think this is progress. This takes time and it's scary and it's painful. Yes, it is. Thank you