I've thought about it & would like to say 'I know it's easy to say you're fine and dismiss help from people that love you, but I truly want to know how you're doing and I'm here for you.' I think I can say that while still being fairly detached.
It's OK to say something to him, but don't phrase it that way because you're basically telling him that something is "wrong" with him and that will not go over well. Maybe something more like "Despite our situation I do still care very much for you and want you to know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk about how you feel or how things are going in your life."
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Basically H & I have no connection now. Haven't for many months. And it builds up a wall.
The sitch didn't create the wall. Your H built the wall because he felt he needed to. Only he can take it down, and he's got to do that through his own soul-searching. When the WAS gets the freedom that they think they want and the LBS out of their life, they often discover a hard truth- they're STILL unhappy. Then they have to face the fact that perhaps the LBS is NOT the cause of their unhappiness. This may be why he seems more depressed, he's starting to realize that HE is why he's unhappy, not YOU. Resist the urge to rush in and "fix" him. He's got to figure this out on his own.
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But I wonder if this wall will ever be scaled if I don't throw up a ladder first.
You can't climb over the wall. It comes down the same way it went up- one brick at a time. From the INSIDE.
