Job, I think we were both right yesterday. I received an email this morning.
Smokey: A dissolution is a negotiation between the two of us. The court will simply sign off on it as long as we agree on the terms.they wont decide on anything. we need to neg. the terms of our dissolution or it will take divorce proceedings and neither one of us wants to spend the money on that , cause it will benefit neither one of us. H
I don't hear this man wanting a divorce and I'm relieved. I think we can negotiate a dissolution.
Now, I got a bit snarky. No 2x4's please. I was a little insulted with the Dissolution 101 lesson and said so. Then, I sent this:
Me: Here's what I need. I need something in place legally in terms of the house and the support monthly. I'm tired of having to contact you when the numbers don't add up.
Can we start there? Those are the areas I'm the most concerned about in regards to D11. I need her to have a house and steady money coming in...If you don't contribute to D19's college, etc... This means I REALLY need the support in place so I can focus on other stuff. We can negotiate the amount, but I don't want to continue worrying about it monthly. I appreciate how you've been diligent about the house payments, that's made things alot easier. I really do appreciate it. I just need the other part of the support nailed down legally.
We can negotiate the other stuff.
Smokey: Not PO'd , just making sure were on the same page . Ten Years is to long. Ipropose four years on the house I will continue to make the payment. after that time you can have the house and all the equity in lieu of my retirement. I will pay support on Louisa until she is eighteen in the amount of 600 a month. You can have all the furnishings etc. This is my proposal.
My response (hardball):
What's that mean I can "Have" the house? I can refinance? Because that's not the same as having the house. We were married a long time. I was told I could receive a minimum of 7 years support. I'd be willing to go 8 years of support.
I'm considering the house payment support. So, that's $700, thanks to me (loan modification). If I buy you out of the house, I want it at the price the house is valued at today, not 8 years from now. Unless, it's cheaper then.
Based upon your parenting in the past the two years, I need $800 in child support and I want more time because of her Asperger's, age 21. Even in the best of circumstances, I don't see you asking to parent D11 regularly, aside from visiting. I don't know if she will be able to support herself at 18. And, I would like it written down that you help with college for HER, if she chooses.
At this point, the stuff in the house is already mine because you abandoned it 24 months ago. I know you will want certain things. Make me a list.
Agree to the above and I won't bring up the deferred comp, the money from Jeep sale I never saw, the co-habitating and taking another woman on vacay while still married and the money you didn't pay in support over the last 12 months, not to mention the money I spent on helping you, and helping D19 graduate high school. And, the months you've gone without contacting your children. All of which I doubt seriously your parents know about.
Obviously, if you made big purchases in the meantime, those won't come up either.
Recap: $1500 monthly 8 years spousal support 10 years child support.
Could do without the 2x4's. I told him how I feel and what I want. If I can get 1400 and the house for 6 years. I'll take it.
Insurance, retirement, etc... to be decided later.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
