GAL plans this weekend. What's up guys?

[trc2009]

2S2Q, I am going to jump on the bandwagon here and say that you might want to back up a few steps and look at things through a different lens.

If you really are done, you're done. There is no shame in that.

But I am not sure that you are really done, vs. you are tired of this crappy situation.

If you think it's that you really are done, how do you know?

I can tell you from being there right now, that having filed for D has really only made me feel worse. I didn't have a choice but to file, but if I did, I think I would have waited quite a bit longer. Not because I have really any hope that my H and I will R, but because you just never know what might happen.

There is nothing keeping you from living the life you want to live right now. The only thing you can't do while still M is get married to someone else.

It can get tiring having hope, and having your expectations/hopes constantly dashed. I get it. Maybe just focus on yourself for a bit, and see what happens. Stop thinking about your M, and your W, and what she is thinking, and what's going to happen, and just live.

I've found that being "tired of the situation" can impact both sides as well. My wife (WAS) just said the other day that it wasn't her final decision but she was leaning toward a divorce. She said she's just "done" with all of this uncertainty and wants to move forward one way or the other.

Of course I'm tired of it as well but I understand for the good of myself & my kids, I need to just deal with it for the sake of the family. Because I can't expect her to make a rational decision. That's part of the reason I'd never agree to a dissolution. Because that would just make it be "done" for her when I still believe VERY MUCH that our marriage is salvagable. If she does want to be "done," she'll have to do the heavy lifting. She'll have to be the one to get (and pay for) an attorney. She'll have to be the one to file for divorce. She'll have to be the one to "find" grounds for divorce (good luck to her on that one).

2s2q. Nobody "likes" doing this. Everyone wants this to be over as quickly as possible and moving toward R. Everyone here has lost heart. Most of us do it routinely.

Obviously every situation is different. But I have two kids (5 & 2). The way I look at it is this. My wife is partially out the door. I am the one holding this marriage together, not her. If I give up, she'll give up. But in my situation, our kids will be much better off in the long term if we're together (my wife and I do care about each other and don't hate each other). And it's my job to do what's best for them regardless of the short-term pain it will cause me. I'm worried about the next 50 years for my kids (and their kids), not the next 12 months for myself.

Your kids are older so I can't completely relate. But you have a lot more positives going on than many of us here. If you act as defeated in front of your spouse as you did in this thread, I would imagine that your wife can see that as well. And no WAS thinks that's attractive.