Floatin down the mighty rivers of British Columbia

[job]

Heather,
I think the "olive branch" was very nice and hopefully he'll think about it. You are still expecting him to respond back immediately or very quickly and you need to tamp down those expectations For one thing, he's going to have to sit on all that you've proposed and then to turn around after several emails and get an olive branch...well...he's going to sit on it for a while. He's going to be questioning why you send emails about bills and point out his responsibilities and then an olive branch. It's a pattern that you have, i.e., lash out, curt, or point fingers and then later on, an olive branch is offered in some fashion.

Here's the thing, the pattern exists and you need to break that pattern. If you want to have civil and open communications w/him, you will need to change the way that you communicate w/him. As others have mentioned, the tone of the words that we put on paper can be perceived in many ways. As I pointed out to you yesterday, I could very well understand the stance he took because I was sitting on the outside and could understand both points of view. When composing your emails or missives, don't send them right away. Let them sit for a bit and then go back and re-read them. If you think the wording can be perceived differently, change it. Put yourself in the shoes of the person receiving the missive and I think you'll understand more of what I am saying. The key here is to change the way you are interacting w/him. If you can find a way to change it, you won't need to follow up w/olive branches all of the time.

I think you both are reacting in a knee jerk way because of the perception of the written word. You both are wounded and when the feeling of frustration takes hold, you both tend to come back at each other in the only way you know how to get your point across, i.e., through the written word. Heather, you have the power to change the dynamics of how you want your interactions to be w/him. All you have to do is breathe and when you feel the need to be critical, point fingers, lash out, etc., step back and count to 10 and think about how you would want to be treated in that same situation. If you can soften your approach to him, I think you have a chance of working out the financials w/him in a more civil manner.

I'm not here to hit you with 2X4's because it's not my style, but I thought about your situation a lot yesterday and after reading and speaking to you, I think the key is communication. I'm not advocating rolling out the red carpet when it comes to visit or being overly friendly, but I do think being civil, i.e., just as you would the delivery man, is the first step.

Please curb your expectations because you and your h have been separated for quite some time and let's face it, you both have changed in many ways and now have to find a way to be civil, not only because the financials, but the girls as well.

BTW, I'm glad everything is on for the NC trip and I truly hope that you will leave all of the mlc baggage at home for a few days and just relax.

Just my 2 cents.