Seems I was too quick to open a glimpse of hope. The C told me that my W seems closed completely, with great anger and a tenacity on the road she has chosen. The only thing that she suggested to us was to have a talk where one listens and one talks, without interruptions. Then go silent for some time, and if both of us feel that there is a glimmer of hope, then we can work on reigniting the glimmer. Otherwise, we should think about trial separation.
I've also talked to a L today. She told me that in her experience, when things reach a L, they seldom stop. However, she was talking about couples who have become ready to go see L. I only went because I wanted to know my rights about my contact with my D.
Anyway, I'm starting to make peace with my decisions. I want to work on my M, but I feel that right now at least, there is no hope for it to restart... I also feel that perhaps I should cut my losses and leave now. However, I'm not going to do that just yet. I will give it some more time, living Sandi's rules, and if something changes then I may become a bit hopeful again.
It's sad to try to feel nothing on one hand, and still try to get back with the W on the other. It feels so weird and cold...
