A few months ago, when I was still quite a mess with my sitch, I went to breakfast with my FIL and SMIL, without H or kids or anyone. I don't think I have ever spent any time with them alone before then, and my H had not only had many negative things to say about them, but also made it clear that they didn't like me, so this was a nerve wracking thing for me. With the help of PM and some others here, I was able to go into it with open heart and open mind, and I was surprised by the outcome. We had a lovely time. Before BD, I think I would have found an excuse not to go with them, or I would have gone in with fists up, ready to defend.
What I took from that was good, but still very narrow. I think what I took from it was that I needed to stop seeing them through my H's eyes, and to show them the real me without the defenses up.
Anyway. I am taking a class now that meets weekly and is about self empowerment - really for women in transition of some sort. Some are getting D, some are dealing with death of their parents or other loved ones, some have children who are leaving for college, or are starting a new career . . . you get the idea.
So one of the things we are doing is, each week, we draw a name out of a hat and get together with another member of the group. I was kind of dreading it this week, going back to to my old way of thinking - "she is 10 years older, she has been married 20 years, her kids are all older than mine, we will have nothing in common, I have so much crap to do, ugh I wish I didn't have to do this."
But I changed my thinking. I thought, who knows, if I go into it with open mind and open heart, maybe it won't be so bad after all.
Well, you'll never guess what happened. We had a great lunch. Even though we are totally different people in different circumstances, we had no shortage of conversation material, and honestly, I think we could have spent the rest of the afternoon chatting.
I realized as I drove away that in my past life, to do "what felt right to me" or "taking care of myself" was usually hiding from things that made me feel even slightly uncomfortable, which meant that I ended up missing out on things that could have been really fun, or enlightening, or even life changing; and connecting with other people.
I don't think that this woman and I will be BFFs, but I would definitely hang out with her again, and I am really grateful for what she taught me today, just by virtue of showing up, being herself, and being open to ME.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
