I know how you feel about thinking you are deluding yourself. I feel the same way. He is very clear on what he wants regarding me. My only glimmer of hope is he say she doesn't want to disrupt/hurt the children (not sure how he doesn't see that is exactly what he is doing now, but anyway)
I know I was very reliant on him, him and the kids were my whole world. I did very little for myself, I was too busy making stuff right for them. So I guess it is a big 180 that I have joined a gym, started going out for coffee, to shows with friends. I'm thinking of taking some classes too, stuff I always put off. But he is so rarely here I don't think he has noticed. He hasn't even commented that I have lost 20 pounds! I'm getting back into touch with my faith, which is helping too, if nothing else it helps calm the fear and anxiety! I'm trying to remind myself I am not the horrible person he his painting me to be If I was no one would have been surprised by his actions! Most of his family think he is either having a breakdown or on drugs! And if he does choose this, I'm not over the hill yet! Remembering it's their issue, not yours is a hard but important step I think.
