Google "Free things to do in [city name]" and I bet you will find a ton.
Take your S to the zoo, park, anywhere kids hang out. Chat with the other parents! Go see local monuments/landmarks, etc. Go for a bike ride. Go to lunch with a friend. Go to the library. Volunteer at a shelter/soup kitchen/food bank, anywhere. Go feed the ducks at the park. Go to the local museums (do they have a free day? here we have one each month.) Go hiking/running/sledding/to the beach - depending on where you live. Join a divorce support group. (This is a great way to meet people!) Check out meetups.com for your area.
There are a bazillion things you can do, if you stop making excuses and get up and do them.
Have you ever read 25yearsMLC's posts? Her GAL is amazing . . . if I can find her list I will post it. Maybe we should start a thread with GAL ideas for everyone here.
Reading self help books and playing video games at home won't help you meet people. Your life doesn't have to be ALL about meeting people, but if you don't have friends to go out with, you need to go out to find friends!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Thank you for the suggestions,but don't underestimate the healing power of a good video game. It's like drinking without the hangover effect in the morning.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
W comes in today and, for some reason, decides to tell me about some D horror stories she heard about. She then says she doesn't know how the w did that to her h. I said there are tons of stories like that and D is really bad business and, when it comes to hurt feelings, doesn't help anybody. She notices a M/V book im reading and asks how it was. i said it was good and im learning a lot in improving communication and handling stress.
She then says "hindsight is 20/20" OUUUUCH!
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
W comes in today and, for some reason, decides to tell me about some D horror stories she heard about. She then says she doesn't know how the w did that to her h. I said there are tons of stories like that and D is really bad business and, when it comes to hurt feelings, doesn't help anybody. She notices a M/V book im reading and asks how it was. i said it was good and im learning a lot in improving communication and handling stress.
She then says "hindsight is 20/20" OUUUUCH!
Why not concede that but add "better late than never" and if she says it's too late, you say "for YOU maybe..."
b/c no WAS wants to see the LBS "Get it" and become what they (the WAS) always wanted them to become only to give it all to some OW/OM.
I think it would irk me a lot, to see my h "finally" becoming who I needed/wanted him to become, only to see him with some OW who gets the benefits of MY work and sacrifices??
I'd have to take a 2nd look at my h to check if I believed the changes were real AND lasting AND would last with ME b/c let's face it,
the fear that the WAS has, is that the cause of their sadness will return if they come back to the m.
Sometimes they are not wrong in having this fear and always, if they feel it, it has to be respected.
Hence the need for small but consistent changes + sufficient time, before it = change they can believe in.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Did you ever notice when you watch Christmas movies that there always has to be some misery surrounding a situation so the "Christmas Miracle" can happen and there can be the happiest of happy endings?
On this point I ended up having to explain D to our S10 while watching "The Santa Claus". In the film the father and mother are D and the mother remarried.
S: Dad, if that's Charlies' father and that's Charlies' mother...
M: Yesss?
S:...why is the mother standing next to that man (her h)?
I then explained D and step-parents to which he reacted very hurt and sobbing.
S: I hope you and mom don't lose your love.
Right then my heart cried for him and I realized that our D will destroy him because of his Hyper-sensitivities.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
L, he could be very wounded. YOUR job is to not let it 'Destroy him"...
he'll still have more than most kids (globally speaking at least) and that is two healthy parents who value him dearly, a home (or two) with a roof over his head, medical care, schooling, electricity, he can vote and work and drive when he's older...heck, that puts him in the top 20% of the world. If he were female, I'd say top 5%...
It's not much, I know...but at times like these I remind myself to get some perspective.
Also sadly, at least half my kids friends are divorced so there's not the old stigma and sorry to say this but yes, the kids do get used to it. Not fine with it, but it stops "Destroying" them when WE give them the strength to see
OUR PAIN, which is deep, BUT not fatal, and though it's hard as heck to wade thru it, it's not eternal pain either. We DO get better and happier, and so will he.
Use this as best you can, as a life teaching moment. IT's the only 'upside' to this ordeal, learning new ways of communicating, caring, and listening, and
becoming better people for it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I agree with you...IF he was a typically developing child. His hyper-sensitivities are a problem with him. It holds him back from maturing into a child typical of his age. The boy is very clingy.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
If u are not to believe 100% of the WAS says and 50% of what you see then how can u discern if you are actually making progress or not? Does it only relate to positive/negative attitudes?
For ex: I had a couple of short term goals, both were met.
1) I wanted her to come out and watch a movie with me. She's done this. 2) I wanted her to come out and play one of her favorite video games. She's done this.
Do I consider this improvement OR do I take this in stride and put no importance to it?
Mind you she hadn't done either of these things since BD.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
