own buz 22:mediation to reconcilliation, hopefully

[MrBond]

Sigh. Since everyone has gotten sucked back into this thread, I'll put in my two cents. The incident with your friend shows that overall you haven't changed. Despite your protestations and arguments, you still seek validation and approval.

You just can't let things go. Even after you saw the mediator, not 2 days had passed before you were on here saying how great you were doing and if anyone had any thoughts/comments, etc.

And now this with your friend. If your friend is hard on you for acting drunk before, then that's his deal. Let it go. Don't keep telling people you are letting go. You get so riled up and upset at the smallest things.

"I have been "carrying" the weight of our "rare relationship"... I have been honouring it and trying desperately to "save" it. I am exhausted... I am tossing it into the wind. Let HIM "save" it, if he wants it."

This is something you just can't seem to do. You can't stop trying to control the situation. Even the incident with the OW. You mindread alot. He said he goes out with her, that's his choice. You don't need to tell him that it's either her or you. That's control.

"I need to know this. I deserve to KNOW this!"

Not really. You don't NEED to know anything. Just accept that certain things are outside of your control and that you'll never know everything.