I have been and got done legal advice, all they really said was you have to be separated 12 months before you can divorce, and only one spouse has to want it. She recommends mediation at this point to try to arrange things for the kids. I'm hesitant to do it as I don't want to force his hand if you like, he does seen to be hesitating in the next steps he apparently desperately wants. But it's been 2 months, and he foes seem to be walking all over me. He only sees the children when I work, he has left and is living like a single childless guy 99% of the time.
He is being very deceitful (which I know isn't unusual). He won't tell me exactly where he is or who he us staying with. Or how he is supporting himself these past 2 months, since his whole pay check goes into the joint account and I can see he doesn't touch it. He is putting things on Fb but blocking me from seeing them, but still has it set to show he is married to me, and he regularly posts pictures/stories of the kids. He has also started liking pictures on Fb of scantily clad women , which he never used to do. He hasn't worn his wedding ring for 2 months.
I know that even if this happens as he wants it, I will be ok. And I am trying to GAL and kind of move on like he has., but it's a struggle. The kids ask me if I'm coming home all the time, because they know Daddy hasn't been. I don't like leaving them now, I'm all the stability they have. I know in the long run it is his relationship with the kids that will suffer, and he is the one missing out. Our S isn't even 2, and is at that age where he says new words everyday, or does something very funny and cute as he tries to copy you. You can't get this time back and in 3 months or so it'll be done forever. A friend said too has he considered how he would think/feel if someone does this to one of his daughters in 20 years time?
I guess I just feel like I am sitting here waiting for him to decide. Is he hesitating or just happy with things now, with his responsibility free life? He always used to say how lucky he was, and how much he loved me and his little family, that we were the most important things in his life. It feels like we have been replaced by the 'lads', the gym and the pursuit of pretty faces//hot bodies who haven't had his 3 children. Most people around me want me to kick him to the kerb, get the gloves off and finish what he started. Make him see exactly what he is walking away from, and how his life won't be like it is right now. He will need to pay child support, to rent his own 3 bed place, furnish it, get himself a car. He can't afford any of that. And he only has 2 weekends off in 5, and one 4 day stretch. They would be the only times he could take the kids, so what about his single man social life? I seems like he hasn't thought about any of this, or if he has, he's avoiding it and keeping us in this weird limbo as it's better for him.
He reminds me at every chance how little regard or feeling he has for me now, I don't understand where it can have gone so quickly. I have messages and emails from him from 2.5 months ago telling me he loves me, or he just heard this dong on the radio and it made him think of me. He used to tell me that the smallest touch from me gave him butterflies in his tummy, and that I was in his mind all the time. And then I can't help but wonder now he telling the truth? Has he felt nothing for years, has it all been a big act, a big lie? He even implied he felt nothing for me when our children were born, which is the most hurtful thing I think.
