I guess the title says it all. She still hasn't made any moves towards a D but hasn't come the other way either.
We aren't in contact for any reason other than when she gives me money to help with groceries...If I got rid of the house, that excuse would go away and there would be nothing.
Out of the blue a couple days ago she sent me a message "took the kids to the Lego movie, it was funny and reminded me of you". That was it. I read that and immediately reminded myself it meant nothing and of course it didn't. She just remembered that I laugh really loud at the movies and I like going with the kids.
I've had a few aha! moments recently, all of which remind me that this marriage wasn't what I thought it was and it's not going to be right again. I married for love, she married because she needed someone at the time.
On Thursday I go to the head office at work to meet the CEO and receive an award for a project I took part in. It's a great moment for me and will help me move up in my career. I've spent the last few days moping because when I come home, no one will be there to talk to about it. There'll be no one to show. If she was still around, I don't think she'd be interested anyway. This is not the kind of support I gave when she had opportunities.
I've spent the last few years sacrificing so much time and energy to make her happy, it never worked. I since learned that while I was running myself ragged for her, she was with her friends talking a mountain of smack about me and how I'm no good, always late, never do anything right. She also recently told me that I never got to know the real her. She's herself around her friends but was never that person with me.
Let's face it, I'm single again. I don't know how else to say this, she's gone. Life's too short, she didn't want to live this lie anymore and I need to move on as well.
This is very hard, I don't want to do this but I have to or I'm going to lose it. Apologies if I sound like a quitter but I'm a person too. It's not just because she gets to run in circles with excuses ranging from midlife crisis, I'm just a friend, I'm depressed, I have no passion for you, etc. etc. that I have to sit in this miserable cloud and wait for her majesty to maybe decide I might not actually be a horrible a-hole.
The recent episodes where she wanted to ML but only at a hotel is insulting. In hindsight, it shows she just needed some and I was willing to give it.
Does anyone have any book they recommend to help a person move on with their lives and prep for divorce? Not the legal issues, I know that has to be discussed with a L. This is just really hard and I could use some perspective on the decision to do this.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
