A couple of thoughts, the belittling of yourself, why do you think you do that, what are you protecting?
That was one of my self-preservation mechanisms, I wanted to take the first "hit" at myself. It was preemptive, if I belittled myself or judged myself harshly, I wouldn't be judged by others because I beat them to it. Remember that harsh judge I hear in your posts?
About dealing with your H, when he says something that gets you in the chest or the gut or the head, and you start to tighten up, stop. Picture your H with a fishing rod with line and a hook.
You can take that hook or not.
Some wise words from Anthony DeMello “People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it.” ― Anthony de Mello
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
