Honestly, I have no desire to get annoyed by everything my H does. And I agree, I think it is gross when people make rude remarks about their exes.
Right now,I just want him to leave me alone. He goes from super nice to cruel to rude to manipulative back to nice in a matter of 24 hours, and I am having a lot of trouble managing my own thoughts and emotions if I follow along. I find that if I allow myself to see him as a genuinely nice person, I just get emotionally slammed the next day or hour when he spits his hate and blame at me. And I feel like I am once again on the H roller coaster.
2 quick thoughts...why not see YOURSELF as a "genuinely nice person" and go where that leads you? (away from any focus on HIM for one), and b/c you are a genuinely nice person, you won't react to every thing he says or does...
Also, our d16 is going thru a tough time (depression and anxiety beyond what seems "normal" even for a 16 y/o)
PART of it is related to unresolved issues she has with her dad, my h, for "ignoring her for 2 years", which is what SHE believes happened when we sep. (ouch) I am pulling her out of high school and we are doing "independent study" which seems to mean I'm homeschooling her but she gets to play varsity basketball.... b/c it is that scary to us/me.
Her therapist suggested, among other things, watching some TED Talks. I watched them with her and got a lot out of them myself.
So I pass them on, to you. From the 2012 series of TED, Amy Cuddy (How our body shapes US) and Scott Achor (positive psychology) both discuss over lapping topics. They're more than the standard "power of positive thinking/The Secret/Laws of attraction, which all seem to repeat old adages with new age language that some people find revolutionary...but have been around for a long LONG time...but I digress...
But it's about how WE see ourselves and how WE can change that, AND change our own behaviors,
and how to become the new improved, by DOING and SAYING certain things and how even our posture affects how WE see ourselves (we always knew it affected how others saw us, but the research (thorough!)
is showing a lot of external, 'outside in' changes are possible within us.
Very fascinating and worth watching...Netflix had it but maybe youtube does too, if you don't have Netflix...
more later...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
