Oh yeah, if anyone's reading who knows about this... My office suitemate turns out to have volunteered with the local abused womens shelter and she said I should get my butt over to the juvenile domestic relations court and get an order in for child support asap. She said making it separate from the separation agreement makes it possible to change support without going back to court for a change to the separation agreement, for example when your employment situation changes. We all know by now that H's decision to pay the mortgage to the mortgage company in lieu of child support is not OK, even though the amount is about the same as child support would be, it's going into his equity and he'll get that back. That's not right.
I think I should ramp up and get my house into just my name asap before my job goes away, get the support formalized, and then get a separation agreement finished.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I hope your S13 finds his way and I'm so glad he has you. My S21 (yikes) was 14 when he was diagnosed (I know your situation is different) and I had been making excuses or ignoring what was going on for probably a year. It's been a long journey. Kudos to you for making sure your son's getting what he needs.
It's OK to be complaining and negative sometimes, you'll get tired of hearing it and snap out of it.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm reading as well. In regard to S13 not coming out of his room, I can certainly emphathize with that - you are not alone. My D15 is also a recluse in her room and most attempts to entice her out on my part fail, aside from offering her dinner :-). I've talked to her about it and she gives me the "this is what teenagers do" excuse. I am not going to force her to spend time with me, but I continue to keep the door open for her to join the fam whenever possible.
My D did the same thing when we lived together. I believe she continues to stay in her room. My niece and nephew do the same thing, stay in their rooms and play video games, or chat on the phone. I stopped worrying about it. Actually my D yesterday told me she wants a car and will be taking her drivers test? really, a major change from her. So keep an eye on him but don't let it consume you. It is most likely a phase, different from what our age group is used too. And most of the teenagers I work with do the same.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I miss the old cuddly years and look forward to grandchildren.
Both my boys sought me out after I got home from Phoenix. Poor S16 crawled into my bed in the middle of one night crying because he had a nightmare that I had died. S13 slept with me one night too.
So I know, as arm's length as they try to hold me I'm still pretty important to them. I try to meet them where they're at.
Still feel like a bad mom sometimes, though I do the best I can.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
LOL patience AD. You'll get there. We gonna have to build you a rocking chair . Remember that the teenage years are marked by wanting to "Separate and Differentiate" form their parents. They are trying to be different, their own individuals. Also you maybe feeling the "Empty Nest Syndrome" early. All normal stuff especially with everything else going on.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Like BA and everyone else here, my D20 did the same thing. She didn't stop doing it until after she went to college. Plus it helped that I turned off the DirecTv receiver in her room when she left. I left her be, but I had one rule that I insisted upon: No eating dinner in her room. She balked for a bit, but then she calmed down. She told me at Christmas that she was glad I did. So... for what it's worth.
I tried to do the same thing at her age. But I grew up in a 1100 SF cape cod and shared a bedroom with my sister. We only had one bathroom, so even that was a shared activity. I would meet my BFF somewhere in between our 2 houses, and we'd sit on a street corner for HOURS. And I mean hours. It was often dark. So see this as the normal behavior it is right now. It will change soon enough.
It definitely doesn't make you a bad mom!
Just in case you need to hear this out loud, teenagers are tough! My typically good kid knew which buttons to push, and we spent pretty much her entire senior year engaged in battles. It was so bad that I didn't cry when I dropped her off at school in NY. We really both needed her to leave. Now things are good.
Hang in there!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
my son who did the same room thing is now 21 and when he comes home from college tells me...I like hanging out at home!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
So, I should pretty much expect my daughter to stay in her room for her teen years? Man, I'm going to be lonely:(.
Yah, and no you won't. She'll be too busy eye rolling and telling you that you're standing in her way of complete freedom, and you're probably gonna be alternating from liking her to disliking her (all the while still loving the kid). You will only be lonely if she's your only social outlet!
Teenagers (particularly girls) and parents are just like oil and water. You know best, but they think you're an a*hole. It's a losing proposition. But it's normal!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
. Remember that the teenage years are marked by wanting to "Separate and Differentiate" form their parents. They are trying to be different, their own individuals. Also you maybe feeling the "Empty Nest Syndrome" early. All normal stuff especially with everything else going on.