Bug, you are right. I need to not engage my H. How do I do that when he is
That's just it. You need to do what YOU do regardless of what he does...knowing what he might do...fearing how what he does will make you feel. He is not MAKING you do or feel anything by his texting, wording, discussions with your D at night. You are choosing certain thoughts about him that are driving your feelings all over the place.
You think it's not in your control because you're not used to controlling your emotions with regard to him. That doesn't make it impossible. It's not easy but it requires taking the blame off him and letting him be however he's going to be.
You are not required to engage him.
Also, you mentioned that
Quote:
He really gets me with this "I'll just assume terrible things about you if you don't talk to me" thing. Why the HELL do I fall for that? That's ridiculous. (Both are ridiculous - the fact that he does it and the fact that I fall for it.)
It's not ridiculous at all that he does that. He knows what works with you.
See any 180s you can work on?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
