I miss talking to my daughter but honestly don't feel Like calling her. She called multiple times yesterday morning to get me to fax a copy of our new insurance card. I ignored all her calls but wrote her back after getting a text that the reason for her calls was to get me to fax a copy of our insurance card to her. I faxed her the copy and that's it. We have nothing to talk about.
I understand what you mean, L...but please, make sure you do NOT cut off your d.
Learn a way to "handle" what your says or throws at you but make sure you DO talk to your d.
It's hard enough for your d to "know" her father when she rarely sees him, it'll be easy to forget you if you cut her out totally.
my h and I were sep almost 2 years but not without any contact, however. We'd see him every few weeks AND they were older than your d, and we had lived as a family for several years at the time. They knew him well enough to miss him.
But it takes a toll on the kids & their r's with their dad.
They learn to get their own lives, their own friends and even in normal healthy happy families, at some point your d's friends will take over HER life.
AND, young kids learn to take the father's absence as a rejection of them...which fuels the disconnect and resentment they will feel for an absentee father. I know this from experience.
Sure, her growing into the teen years seems far away to you now. But time passes...and the distance between you and your w/d, has already taken a toll. Your m may well end b/c of the distance and strain that puts on a m. As Sandi said, marriages take nurturing, which is simply NOT achievable over time, and with such a distance. At least not without tremendous long term consistent effort and even then, only if you KNOW there's an end in sight.
My h was deployed overseas for several months and it was hard to reach him. HE had to initiate contact or we would not be able to communicate. He missed a lot. But at least it was not his choice to go...we had already been thru that and the kids were deeply wounded. More than I even knew... Your d is very young. Stay in her life no matter what.
You'll never regret doing right by your daughter.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks a lot for the advice. I'll not allow her nonsense to take away or distract me from giving love and care to my daughter. I need her now more than ever. She's young but smart like a weep. I'll hate for to see some of the nonsense her mom is doing while she's in bed sleeping. I'm going full custody if this marriage go south.
Well I finally spoke to my daughter this evening. It only lasted for two second but was happy to hear her say "hi daddy" W asked if she could speak to me after talking to my daughter. I reluctantly said yes and sure do regret talking to her later. She pretty much told me she's in a relationship with the guy now and care a lot about him. She told me she has always loved me and care a lot about me. Two different thing right. She also said she's better off looking elsewhere if things don't work out with this guy. Meaning we don't have a chance to get back together. She also told me she's happy spending time with OM and not happy spending time with me. She end the conversation by saying its unfortunate I feel the way I feel but she's praying to God for guidance. I'm Starting to think this marriage is a wrap.
"I'm going full custody if this marriage go south."
Why? I don't see where your W was being a bad MOTHER. You have to learn to distinguish between your marriage and your daughter's relationship to both you and HER mother. Right now it sounds like you're doing it to play morality police.
"Starting to think this marriage is a wrap."
Every situation is different, and I can't tell you how many times we've heard the same thing from many WAS's who have had A's. The point is in what way have YOU been changing? It should be irregardless of what your W is doing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Well I finally spoke to my daughter this evening. It only lasted for two second but was happy to hear her say "hi daddy"-Excellent...Keep that Contact Up Lost.
W asked if she could speak to me after talking to my daughter. I reluctantly said yes and sure do regret talking to her later.- Fine other than you do not have boundaries in place...Nor can you enforce them. I am suggesting again a communication boundary. You can talk with your wife, but once the topic changes from your daughter...Then the conversation needs to end. You can tell your wife this (nicely) that conversations will only be about your daughter....other topics of conversation will lead to cease of communication that day.
She pretty much told me she's in a relationship with the guy now and care a lot about him. She told me she has always loved me and care a lot about me. Two different thing right. She also said she's better off looking elsewhere if things don't work out with this guy.- By not having communication boundaries...You set your self up for this WAS spew. Set up a boundary.
Meaning we don't have a chance to get back together.- Reading meaning in another persons statements....Predicting the future....Assumptions....Making her statements about you. Not good DB man. Also, if you can predict the future, can I have the lottery numbers please.
She also told me she's happy spending time with OM and not happy spending time with me.- Be realistic Lost....How much time has she really spent with you?
She end the conversation by saying its unfortunate I feel the way I feel but she's praying to God for guidance.- She is projecting her feelings onto you....Usual WAS spew. Pretty much playbook stuff here.
"I'm Starting to think this marriage is a wrap."- Assumptions and predictions.....Gotta stop that LOL
Tonight do yourself a favor....Set a boundary, if your wife gets on the phone. Conversations with her revolve only around your daughter. Once the OM is mentioned, You end the call nicely.
No lie what she did to me bother me. The way she did it, the selfishness, the unkind words said to me, the manipulation, lies and her plans with OM to get a car from me. The car seat in the garage now. I cried every time I take a look at it. I planned on putting it for sale this week. I've no need for it. I bought it out of love for my family, not knowing the whole thing was planned. She never thought about our little girl once. She never thought about the impact of a divorce on a young little girl. She never thought about all the love and care I showed her. How can a woman be this selfish and heartless. Money meant to be saved towards our D college fund will now be spent on hotels stay, renter car and unnecessary legal fees. I don't get it. I'm sad and just need to vent. Everything around the house remind me of us, I think about what we used to share. I think about all the big plans of visiting my country. I think about vacations and road trip planned with families. Going out is sometime difficult because I see someone that looks like her or wearing something similar to a dress or scarf I bought for her. Breaking up is hard, destruction of a family is even worse. The pain and headache is crazy.
I completely agree with you. I've set boundaries but she always figure out a way to get to me. She's good with stuff like that. Shower me with kindness then drop the bomb in the middle of unrelated conversation. I guess it's my fought for allowing her to do that me. I'm still learning and working on me. Mistakes with be made, but with time I'll get better at DB. Hopefully is not too late.
I'm not going full custody out of hatred or anything close to that. I want the best for my daughter. Leaving her with another family multiple times a week is not acceptable. I don't know this people. She drop her at day care and the woman pick her up from there. What good mother leave her daughter overnight till 2pm next day. I'll think her daughter will be more important than any other man. What woman have sex with another man while her daughter is watching a movie on her iPad in a one bedroom apt. Why confused a child by bringing another man around her this early. She get confused when she sees me. She pretty much have to reminds her that's daddy every time am over there to see her. I'm confused and sad.
