Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Well the W came to me in near tears, a family members spouse is very ill.

We haven't really kept in touch with family member through out our whole M. More their choice than ours. W has reconnected since our S. I sent Christmas wishes on social media and they responded in kind. Just a weird deal for all these years.

Anyway, This illness is extremely sudden. Before this our week was different than the rest since I have moved back. I wouldn't classify it as progress but it is nice to have some interaction with the woman I love.

Tonight she approached me and began to tell me the story. I turned off the TV and gave her my full attention. I truly feel awful for all that are hurting because of this and let her know this. She said the reason I haven't seen her so much recently is because she is with this family member a lot. She is still coming home at the same time everyday like before so not why she would make that comment.

She took a quick phone call and then I inquired about what is happening so more and W opened up again. I continued to empathize and listen.

She offered that she was supposed to go away next weekend but said now those plans are unsure.

Last month she went away for the weekend and didn't say a word about and I never questioned it when she returned.

Wonder why she decided to tell me this time?

I have been cooking nice dinners for myself every Sunday since returning home. The W has declined to try any of this. I told her tonight that if she didn't feel like making dinner because she is upset, to feel free to have some of what I made. She said Thanks but I have leftovers. I said Ok well the offer stands from here on. She said Thanks.

We then talked quickly about bills. She began to get emotional again saying it is all this crap at once. I really wanted to hug her but thought better of it. I just told her that if she or anybody needed me I, of course, would be here.

I told her about some bread I brought and was cutting a piece and it flew to the floor. I laughed at myself and as she was walking away she said use the cutting board.

That might seem silly but it is "hers" in a way and things that are perceived to be "hers" have been off limits to me, at least when she is around and would see my using it.

I hate the fact that something bad had to occur to have her talk to me.

How am I to take this?

I have no expectations just wondering why she would turn to me if she hates me so much