Sooo church, then I went shopping, lunch with friends, more shopping and back here now. Alone. DD is at parents for a while.
Rough day. Emotional day spent crying on and off.
Today, friends and church people have told me how much they have seen me grow (hence, tears). I recognized further growth too when I realized today that when i declined H's coffee time yesterday, I wondered if I did it for the sake of looking for his reaction. Not only was it empowering to be able to say NO. I did it with grace. I did it because I truly didn't feel like another coffee. I said No because I am burned out. This is a 180 for me as the old Magic, would jump through hoops for this time. H knows it, and I bet he was surprized.
Today... I realized more growth... I wasn't doing it just for the "surprize" factor, BUT for the fact that I just didn't care about the outcome. This realization did scare me today. That suddenly I don't care??? I wasnt afraid of what his thoughts would be on this. This is sooo not like me... and as much as it is empowering, its scaring me. I know its just a declined "coffee" for all of you... but, its super BIG for me.
That, and the fact that my friends see me attempting to focus more on my daughter and stepping out of my comfort zone to do so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ GM23 ~ Hi... Yes, my life vest in every way. I am super scared to swim on my own. But, I am learning. I am trying. ~~~~~~~~~~~
I am scared. I am trying to hold true to myself even if it means the end of a beautiful relationship. This saddens me to no end.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
