Your wife's birthday - whatever ties into your situation at the moment. If you see your wife or pass by her home or work in the natural course of your day then go with a simple card. Just a "happy birthday, I hope you enjoy your day" or something similar. If she's not around when you pass by her home or work, drop it off and move on. If you have to make an effort to deliver a card, skip it and shoot her a text instead. As for the kids, take them to the shop and have the eldest choose a card or find some paint and make one yourself with their handprints. Just keep it about the kids.
As for the plans without you, that's no fun at all. It took me a while to get past this point. Keep reminding yourself that her life is her life and your life is your life. You'll eventually get on with yours, you'll allow her to get on with hers and things will improve. Keep following the rules and do things for yourself. Three months ago, my wife wanted nothing to do with me and went out without notice. Today, I still have a long way to go but my wife is talking about my brother's wedding across the country next year.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
