I guess you think this song is about you?

[25yearsmlc]

Don't know why I am afraid of this... I have been a 'single parent' for 20 months. Not D'd yet, but I do take care of all kid stuff.
what will be different if D is pushed thru?


IF you protect yourself legally/financially, Not much will be different.

It may FEEL different b/c it may feel more final. But a divorce really is a piece of paper, when it comes to reconciliation. Meaning, something like 15% of divorces that get finalized, end up with the former spouses remarrying each other.

And of divorces filed, 1/3 are never finalized. Surely some of

those are reconciliations.

It'll be "final" when YOU decide it is. But DO see a L. It's not making things worse or "rocking the boat" to stop trying to control the outcome. On the contrary, trying to control what you cannot control, makes things worse.



Plus, you have kids who cannot afford for you to "make nice" with your h at their expense. Not saying you would, but I have seen a LOT of wives try to placate WAHs' by giving up on alimony or CS and that money is needed for the KIDS..

But Some of that is the kids' money that the moms are giving away, which is wrong AND which helps the WAH with his OW...is that really helping the kids?
...do right by your kids and at least you won't have any regrets down the road.

Sometimes that^^ is the only clarity you get for awhile...do right by them.



I do worry about finances. So far, h has continued to pay bills.
h wants to be done and move on.

Maybe this ^^ would make him more cooperative in the settlement proceedings. Use it to YOUR advantage.

I wish I could say the same!
I don't like the stigmatism of D.

Maybe I am giving up. I have to tell myself over and again, h is not coming back...

You don't have to tell yourself that 'h is not coming back", so much as telling yourself

"We will be just fine in the long run, no matter what h does"


and ^^^that, my friend, is TRUE.

When you GAL, you will be much more able to DETACH and when you DETACH

you can LET GO, which is Not giving up. IT's just you moving on...if your h has his own awakening, he'll know how to reach you and do what it takes to recon.


YOU take care of YOU and your kids now. That has to be your focus b/c they need you more now than ever. Be here now, be fully present for them.

Release your h to his 'Mission" and stop challenging his choices. The more you challenge his choices, the more you force him to defend those choices.


He knows it's

a lousy thing to do to walk away.

But until he "discovers" that the grass is NOT greener on the other side, and that the trade off is NOT worth it, all your words will go unheard by him. Yes it's a lousy thing he is doing to them. Yes it is unfair!

You have to minimize his damage

by Not bad mouthing him to them, (b/c it really is destructive to the kids)

and by making sure their legal/financial rights (and yours) are protected.

So do this^^ and do Your work, (e.g. GAL, Detaching, etc) and things will get easier for you, in time.

.