I may have done too much

[D2ndday]

TVH, Thank you! I mean some days are better than others, and some I just want to waive the white flag. Man, snooping, its feels like a scratch I cant reach sometimes. But when I scratch it, its like scratching a sunburn, it just hurts more. So I am trying to be like mind over matter as best I can. Because all I have found is about how great things are for her. Oh it makes me sick. So, I am fighting it as best I can. I think sometimes, how much more can I do this? But I keep on.

I know this EXACT feeling. It's the absolute worst. I guess we gotta work on our detaching skills more.

LFC, I do too I guess. Really hard when she is in my space.

I struggle with this too. I can't wait for the day where I will not let their actions affect me. I mean, why feel pain and confusion when they obviously don't care. WE shouldn't care but I understand how hard it is. The process gets easier and we MUST learn to detach. Great job at keeping busy and GAL. Above all, kudos for not snooping, it will lead to nothing. Keep it up, keep DB'ing for YOU..we are in this journey together..

TipAnna, I cant wait for something like this too. I mean, I'm just tired of feeling these bad ones. I just feel like this is a huge dose of it too. Its not like an even that happens, you grieve and then move on, its ongoing! I try to do the same, not showing it when she is here. nut this morning was hard, which i'll add at the end.

Sandi2, I just want to add something I was thinking this AM. In regards to the OW topic. No doubt! I mean I am sure that's what happened to some extent in my M. She was unhappy, lonely, MLC, or just at a weak vulnerable spot. Here comes this guy, who she knows. Her brothers high school friend. Which I have suspected since this started was some kind of childhood crush. Her brother is only like 2 years older. So I just picture, this protective brother thing from them growing up preventing anything sooner, coming into her life. Offering excitement and attention, and old feelings resurface. And she crossed the line. I see the similarities to what I did, that's where part of the guilt came from. That why I said earlier when telling the story here, I was the OM. The only difference and not a real justification, is my W has already been openly having an A. So, me doing this, while not ok, well is probably what I was telling myself at the time. I mean that OW thing is over, but something I have thought about a few times and this morning.

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This morning, there was a note:
"Morning, hope you slept well. figured I'd give you my sched for this week. I'll be here tonight, Monday I'll be out. But I am here Tuesday night. I'll go for your days off Wed & Thur. night. Just let me know if you have plans to be gone overnight and I'll stay here and take care of the pups. Have a good day. I'll get 1/2 and 1/2 on my way home."

I read this, and I just done even know what to say or think. I mean, I got angry. I stopped leaving notes for her, and I will not reply to this one was well, in a note or verbally. Instead I came here to vent about it. Otherwise I think it could ruin my day. I mean I read the note about 2 hours ago and I am still amped up about it. It just has led me done a path of feeling like WTH is she doing? I just don't get it.

Your W is having an A. Whenever a woman feels like she can leave a note to her H telling him she won't be home again that night, that is pretty bold even for a WAW. She either thinks you won't care, or she feels she has no consequences to face, or she can tell you anything and it will be okay. Whatever, she is disrespecting you, and why would you want to be her friend? I think a lot of guys make a mistake in trying to be BFF with their WAW. It is much better, IMO, if he acts nonchalant about whatever she does.

I feel like the note says here are the nights I am getting laid, while you stay home and watch the pets. The comment about letting her know if I am staying out and she will come home and watch them. YEAH RIGHT! So you can bring him here? I don't think so. If I go away, I am taking the dogs with me, or dropping them at my moms. I don't even trust her to watch them. I mean I came home the other night and asked if she had taken our bigger dog, which is kind of my dog out, and she was like yeah. A lie, I could tell, sure enough, pup had to go so bad. I could tell she had not been out in a long time by her panicked race to go.

She does nothing here for the house. Does not clean, does not clean up after herself. Leaves her mess for me. In our R towards the end, I tried letting the messes go, assuming she would take of it. That if I let it get messy enough, she would take care of it. That did now happen so I end up cleaning up after her. I think I should tell her, as long as your staying here, you got clean up after yourself. AND really you need to do some work here to keep the house clean!

Hope I slept well, do you???? I don't think so. This is what I am talking about with being so fake. No sign of remorse. This is making want this to work less and less, because I cant believe this is ok in her head. So unhealthy. She needs help, but wont get it, and I cant make here. Argg!

Sandi2, with what you said,

She either thinks you won't care, or she feels she has no consequences to face, or she can tell you anything and it will be okay.

I mean later in this you said it is better to act nonchalant about it. I just don't know if there is anything else I can do.

Maybe there is not. Maybe I need to just let this go. I am hoping the vent right now will help with that so I can recover my days mood. Taking some deep breaths right now. It just makes me so mad. I don't see why she is staying here. She said early on, she had no where to go. Baloney! So why is she still here. Well I know part is because these are the days she has to get to work early. She is not staying here my days off for me, it is just BS, its because she has those days off. I will resist this, but my instinct (I know I know) says to tell her to not bother coming home. Changing the locks and being like deal with this reality! I wont! But that is how I am feeling right now.

What I will do, is bring my mind back to now. What am I going to do today. Off to work, and then a work out. Maybe she will be asleep when I get home, so I don't have to interact with her. Maybe the urge to say something will have faded by then.

You know I have read many stories here. The feedback I have gotten here. All the words you all have said. We have got to be some of the strongest people I know for going through these things. I mean, its unbelievable. I know how much I am hurt, how hard certain times are. I know others here are going through the same things here. We are still here, we have not thrown in the towel on our lives. I have to remember that! I am still here, but cheers to all of you too! And thank you! I cant express how helpful being right here, in this place, has helped me thus far!

One step at a time, is all anyone can do, will be my days thought to keep in mind.