I asked you before and I will ask you again (FYI...I will probably ask you yet again in the future)....What does your future look like and what do you deserve?
My main goal is to be the most amazing mom possible to my little guys. I want them to have a wonderful childhood, regardless of what happens with the M. I have learned through this experience that part of being an amazing mommy is making sure that I take care of myself. My goal over the next couple weeks/months is to find a balance between the kids, myself and work. I used to feel guilty for taking time to myself, but I know that it is necessary to maintain happiness.
I am hopeful that no matter what happens with the M, that I can be friends with my H for the sake of the boys. I have told my H on numerous occasions that for it to happen, OW needs to be removed from his life. I am not sure if we will ever be willing to do that because it will impact his business (which is #1 in his life at the moment), but it is necessary for me to have a relationship with him beyond co-parenting. If he chooses to keep her in his life, I will be friendly when I need to interact with him, but the R will end there.
If I have someone else in my life, I want that person (whether it is my H or someone else) to be a true teammate. For years, my H was my teammate. We both worked hard, contributed equally financially and contributed to the home/child raising. Two years ago, when my H started focusing only on his career, everything changed. I want someone who wants to be home in the evening to eat dinner as a family, to help with homework and to go to games. I dont need a guy that is going to worship me or follow me around like a puppy dog. I actually like being independent. I just want someone who will be appreciative of the things that I do at work and for the family. I want someone who will be straight with me (good and bad), so long as there are equal compliments and criticisms. I dont want someone who feels the need to put me down to make themselves feel better. I also want someone who I can trust. I am not sure how this experience is going to influence a future relationship since I never thought that my H would betray me to the extent that he did. I really hope that I can trust someone again. I am hopeful that my H can be that person again, but if not my heart is open to finding someone else (not now but maybe in the future). However, they will need to be amazing to earn the right to be in my boys lives.
I know that I deserve someone amazing in my life. I honestly have never intentionally hurt anyone. My IC even keeps telling me that she cant believe that I have handled things so well with H considering the things that he has done to me. I DESERVE someone who will treat me with respect. I will not settle for anything less. Based upon my H's actions the past few years, he does not even deserve to be in my life at all.
I am DONE waiting for someone else to make me happy or for the world to give me a break. I am the only person that can change my destiny, so I will just keep moving one day at a time.
My good days far outweigh the bad ones. The bad days help me look deeper. I am on a good path and it is very much due to the amazing people that have helped me here.
