Labug, my C and I were discussing how I was feeling, I told her that I felt hurt. Hurt for his divorcing me and braking up our family, hurt that he told me over the phone, hurt that he took money, hurt that he did not tell me he filed and I got the papers in front of my kids. I told her that he does not acknowledge the fact that I feel hurt. She thought that if he saw my hurt in person that it may move him to acknowledge it.
"Not works" means to me that I don't think my H can acnknowledge my hurt because he is surprised by it, or does not realize or want to realize it. He thinks the divorce is best for everyone involved. Also, he emailed me today and in it he said "I know you are angry and frusrated, but....." so I think H sees me as angry vs. hurt.
Most of us show we're hurt by being angry. That's the first thing that bubbles up to protect us, the fight-or-flight reflex. It's only by slowing down and really getting to know ourselves and our emotions that we can sort these things out and respond in ways that give us a better chance of getting what we need.
Once we make any statement, how others acknowledge it is out of our hands. Whether he hears you or not isn't your problem. You taking care of you, is your responsibility. Your next sentence makes me think you understand that.
Quote:
I think what may work better is to know I am hurt, but I can't control if H acknowledges that fact. I need to work through that on my own. Also I need to not read to my H as angry. He thinks that I'm not moving because I'm mad at him, and that is not the case.
I think this is an opportunity to be straight with him and then let it go, leave it alone.
"H, I'm not angry now. I was hurt by x, y, and z my initial my response was anger." End of story unless 1)you have expectations that this will in some may make your situation immediately better, or 2)you are, in fact, still angry.
I expect you are and that's OK. Who wouldn't be? Anger is good because it can spur us to take action, to set boundaries to protect ourselves. But not recognizing and dealing with it can keep us stuck in the anger. Not good.
Just keep moving forward.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
