I can completely identify with you sitch. I was separated under the same roof for 5 months before I finally moved out in January. I thought that I had detached only to realize that I had only gotten closer in some respects and started to give myself false hope. The time together was extremely difficult for all the reasons you site above. It was hard to be friendly and detach without appearing cold sometimes which created conflict. I never truly relaxed in my own home because of her texting and ongoing communication with the OM. Totally my issue but I couldn't block it from my mind. And I snooped like crazy. And every new discovery crushed me like a ton of bricks. W eventually figured me out and started to plant things or so I suspect, so I had to stop. Focusing on myself and following Sandi's rules got me through it.
I have a long way to go but I know that my time apart from W will help the progression forward. So for me the physical separation has been key to my growth. Hopefully W will learn to miss me, but if she doesn't I have learned how to live on my own again. I wish you the best! Be strong!
Me 49/W 44 T 18/M 16 D 14 S 12 BD 8/18/13 Sep Agrmt signed 12/23/13 I moved out 1/20/14