Heather, You are "assuming" that he drove by and saw the forester working on the barn roof. He may not have been in the area at all. If you go back and look at some of your previous threads, you had told him about the $125 bill last month and he advised you then that he wasn't going to pay it and was not responsible for her college bills. Keep in mind, college is a privilege, not a given in some areas and I think he's already looked into what he's responsible for, etc.
I seriously doubt that if he did drive by he would have been angry that someone else was repairing the roof for you. In fact, he may have been relieved that it was not something he had to take care of, nor fork out money for.
I think that some of your problem is that when one thing hits you, the other tasks in your life take on a much larger picture and you begin to roll down the hill, so to speak. You panic and get anxious. Cut your larger picture of life into smaller pieces and work on each little piece at a time. Yes, I can imagine you did feel like you were going to snap. You are still expecting him to act a certain way and he's not going to be that way again for a long time, if ever. As difficult as this may sound, you have got to stop looking to him to be there for you. He's not, he walked out and moved to another area and right now, he's still providing money for the home and your youngest daughter. I strongly urge you to do something about your oldest daughter's insurance before he discontinues the payment of it. The reason that I say this is that he's mentioned it to you and usually when they do that, they are thinking about that expense and possibly discontinuing it.
Your oldest daughter needs to find a part time job to help out w/her smaller expenses. You are not going to be able to foot her entire college bill on your own.
As for the cottage rental...did you speak up and advise your mother of what had been going on? You should have because if you didn't, you allowed her to place that "guilty" burden on you once again. Heather, you are a strong woman and if you don't take the stance that you aren't going to allow people to use and abuse you in your day-to-day life, they'll continue to walk all over you and take advance of your silence. You've taken some steps already to correct this w/the parents of your students. Continue to set your boundaries and I think you'll discover that the heavy load you are carrying will lighten up a bit.
Don't worry about your interaction w/your h. You stated what you had to say and so did he. That was yesterday, look to today for more positive things in your life. Think positive and things will go better for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
