I may have done too much

[D2ndday]

The W was home, and asked about my day, I told her, and I asked about hers. She is being pretty talkative, and it is hard. I feel like the line between, being friendly and detaching get blurred for me sometimes. She is talking, and my eyes cant help but wander. I notice she still wears her ring. She is wearing a necklace I gave her, with pendant, but I notice there is a second pendant on there as well. I wanted to know what it was. I also notice she is wearing another ring on another finger. I had to keep making myself focused on what she was talking about, because I just keep thinking. I mean she is talking and I am thinking, how much I care about her. I think how is she talking to me so matter of fact. Like nothing is happening. That I am torn up, and that having a casual conversation is not normal.

This is why I struggle with these talks. Don't be her friend but be friendly, detatch and GAL which to me can me going to another room to do the things for me. But don't avoid her or seem sour. I feel like sometimes I am juggling, and have to focus so hard on what is right, but don't trust my instincts! LOL.

I don't know, I sit here now, and I think, stop thinking!! LOL. I have a hard time when I am face to face with. I have a hard time when I am alone. I start letting all this suck me in and overwhelm me. And it feels hopeless at that point. It just takes me time to regain calmness, and be where I am right this moment. To go do something just to distract me. I have gotten pretty aware when I am headed down a sad, or snoopy road, and pull back. Hanging in there for now.