Ok. So here's my story. 2 months ago, just before Xmas my husband started acting very distant, but didn't want to talk about it. It was Xmas, he's away from his family, both our jobs were busy and money was tight so I wasn't too concerned. I figured after new year when things have settled we will talk and things will be sorted.
Instead just after new year he announced he wasn't happy, didn't love me and hadn't for a very long time. I couldn't believe it. He was normal, loving and affectionate right up to the week before Xmas, when it was like shutters came down inside him. He refused to talk about why he felt this way or for exactly how long, but implied it fad been before we were married (we have been together 10 years, married for 2), before our eldest D was born. (She us nearly 6) all he would say is that I am a horrible person and he cannot stand me. From then on he hang slept in our house. I did all the wrong things too, calling his family (who he won't speak too) begging him to try to work it etc. he pulled away completely. Said he wanted a divorce. He doesn't even believe in divorce for religious reasons!! He is like a complete stranger, total personality transplant. He went from being a great, hands on dad and husband to seeing the children once a week, and only when I am at work. He won't tell me exactly where he is staying or who with. I am suspicious of an EA but he denies this. He has become obsessed with the gym and has bought new clothes. It looks like a MLCbut he is only 29! Our children are very confused, and my eldest is showing some behavioural changes. He says that is my fault cause she has heard me on the phone. I'll take that she probably has, but seriously, does he really think they haven't noticed?
He has left all jus things at home, except for his work clothes, gym gear and razor. His pay still gets direct debitted into the joint account, and he isn't touching it. Certainly not paying rent/contributing to a household anywhere else. He says he just has generous friends. These 'friends' are work colleagues he didn't even hang out with 3 months ago. And they have never met me or the children. We are invisible to them. He has no car, and gets lifts everywhere apparently.
I bought DR a month ago, and have been trying to implement it. And also, I figure he started this, he can finish it, if he us do are it's what he wants. He isn't wearing his wedding ring but hasn't updated FB. He is putting photos up still, portraying the happy families image. He has gone from zero contact to some via text only, and only about work/kids. He says he doesn't care what I do, but wants to be informed what they do and who they are with. When I took them away for a weekend he was asking me to send him photos, tell him how they are. But he doesn't reciprocate this. I am trying to GAL, and went out last week. I got a sitter. The kids told him this, and he told me to use him next time. So he gets to know what I'm doing, but not the other way round? He won't discuss anything. I gave had 3 counsellor sessions, and he has been invited to each but didn't come. He won't even discuss what happens next, to split properly. He knows if we do, we will need to sell the house, and I have no family here, no support, so will just likely have to quit my job and move to where they are (500km away). He wo r discuss it, but won't discuss trying to work it out either. He seems happy with the current situation. He gets to live like a single guy, hang out with his mates, and be a 'part time' parent. I couldn't tell you the last time he even bathed and put our kids to bed. He is gone as soon as I walk in.
I just don't know what to ! And he is missing out on so much! Our S is only 20 months. And everyday he says a new word, or does something new. Breaks my heart.
