Busting, It's a completely healthy feeling to be angry. In my own journey, I have discovered that it is in my darkest and angriest of times, that I find the light needed to guide me into my next step of healing.
How you use your anger is key. I think anger can be used to set up healthy boundaries for you in the future. I also think it can exhaust you of negative feels opening up the door for forgiveness and the ability to let go. Anger teaches you about who you were... it can also teach you about who you want to be.
Of course there are many people who live in the anger.. because in part - in order to deal with the anger - you have to deal with all of it. Not just your spouse but YOU. Because in every interaction, there are TWO people. No one person can take the blame... it is something that must be shared. And that's why they get stuck, because they don't want to own their part. They only want to place blame.
And my dear that is NOT you. As you sit with these feelings, it will be revealed why you are so angry with your H. My guess is that it will lead to some anger that you will feel towards yourself.
Do not beat yourself up over having a lack of compassion. If now - all you can do is not rip his head off for being an a$$ - consider that a victory. In all honesty, it's more than most would do.
Just sit tight. It's not easy to stay in the land of anger, but I know good things will come out of it.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
