I know exactly what you mean, feeling drained, losing hope, not know what your doing. If there is a way to save it, all those things. Man, I have felt them!! It has been so overwhelming, and So many desires to just make it stop! HOWEVER, feel it, take a few minutes or an hour, acknowledge how it feels, cry feel sad. Curse if need be, lol. But then get up, think about what taking care of you could look like. Make a list, and then do something on that list. Then make another, someone her posted, think about the perfect version of you. What would be needed for you to achieve that perfect version of yourself. Be honest with yourself. This is not a list of what W thinks, this is an internal inventory.
I can tell you, as hard as it is, this is not over. Don't believe all that she says at face value. I mean hear her, but when she tells you things, take them with a grain of salt. Most likely she is confused, in her mind, she is not, but know most likely is. The other part of that is know you cant make her see it. As much as we want to. We cant control the spouse. What we can do it take care of ourselves. Give your self time, you have time. She is still there, you are not in court right now. you have time. Slow down, and really think about yourself. You have probably seen ppl post it is a marathon, not a sprint.
Pace yourself, take a few deep breathes, close your eyes, and exhale. That's not just some made up meditation stuff, it really will help slow it down, and then makes it easier to look around at yourself and where you are at. Be Strong, have faith you can get through this. By far the hardest thing I have had to deal with and I suspect the same for you. Keep posting, vent it out here. When it feels bad, come post. You have a resource here of ppl who have and are going through the same thing. So, you can get feedback, support and perspectives and ideas that are sometimes hard to see when you are in the trenches.
Thank you so much D2ndday I appreciate this post more than you know. And I know that all I can do is work on me. I'm trying to day-by-day reconstruct my psyche and gather the pieces so that I can restart myself, but it's so hard. Co-dependency? Maybe. But when trying to believe in something when there is nothing there is eating me up inside... I guess there's a long road ahead, so we'll see how it goes.
