I think we have all felt like this is just too much at one point or another. This has easily been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
I can't emphasize enough how much you need to focus on yourself and not your W right now. Focusing on her is not only making things worse with her, but it is making things worse for you.
I KNOW that you are in serious pain, and I know (I have been there!) that it is incredibly difficult not to be consumed with this and trying to figure out how to get your W to stay. But listen to the wise folks here who have traveled this road before you - you've got to focus on you.
What are you doing to GAL, that has NOTHING to do with your W?
This is your key to survival.
I don't think you should share your C's idea with your W. (Is your W even seeing a C right now?) Your W has been very clear with you about what she wants and doesn't want. Are you really going to ask her to go to C for 6-8 weeks, and then go with you? I think that asking her to do this will only show her that you are not listening to (or believing, or accepting) what she is telling you.
You will be OK . . . I promise. Just make sure you are taking care of you.
Melissag thank you. It really does mean a lot to me that people are talking back and acknowledging my feelings, because talking with friends and family about *some* of the stuff that I feel is not allowing me to vent too much.
What am I doing to GAL? I have no idea now. I'm trying to think about how to get ME into the picture, but I honestly have no idea how to get out there alone. I have a couple of friends who I could go out with, but I hardly consider GAL going out and partying all night. Also, I feel that I would be giving her the implicit permission of doing the same, and I don't want to do that - I can't rationalize this, it's just an emotional fear. I know that she could do this on her own, so I'm just trying not to get ideas into her head.
Getting a hobby is not that hard, I've had a billion of them over the years. She always thought that they were juvenile, particularly when I started learning how to play electric guitar. She thought that I had rock star dreams. Anyway, I'll find something to do again, I'm sure
As for other activities, I started going to the gym about a year ago, and I keep doing that religiously 3 days a week. But that's hardly something new. I'm not stopping mind you
And then there's the C thing. I asked her to go with me once, and we'll see how it goes. If she likes it and wants to continue going, that would be great. If not then I won't pressure the situation. We'll see on Monday I guess.
I honestly am flying blind, because I don't do patience well (maybe I've said that already?) I'm one of those people that need to be working on something that needs fixing, that's my nature. And I know that this is my greatest weakness... I hate it that I can't do anything about this situation to stack "points" in my favor. Everybody tells me it's a waiting game, but I *cannot* wait. It pains me to my core...
Anyway, I'm trying to detach and to keep living by Sandi's rules. Trying the short answer bit as well, but it didn't go as well as I had hoped, because she told me "I can stop talking to you altogether, if you want". I told her "I never said that I want you to stop talking to me", and she relaxed a bit. But I could see that it was getting to her.
Anyway, that's it for now I guess. I hate emotional pain so much, I've always tried to retain and constrain it. And now it is just there all the time... And I hate the unknown, not knowing if anything I do matters, whether she will ever come back to create a new M or not, all the unknown variables in this shitty sitch... Basically it's my nightmare become true...
