Me & my husband have been together nearly 12yrs, we were best friends & very close at school then got together at 18. We've been married for 6yrs.
My H struggled with addictions (cocaine/alcohol) and although it's been an underlying problem for years it's slowly become more of a problem over the past 3 or so years. 6mths ago it all became too much & I asked him to leave, he moved into his parents house & things quickly deteriorated, he ended up a rehab treatment centre 4 months ago & has been clean since.
In the past he's mentioned he doesn't always feel in love with me & has had doubts etc but we've plodded on through addiction & became consumed by it, when he came out of rehab he told me he loved me more than anything & he wanted to prove himself to me with the hope of getting back together, I didn't know how I felt & didn't feel any love for him at the time but we tried to resolve some past issues & my feeling began to come back, unfortunately we ended up back in the cycle we were in before just minus the drugs and he walked away 5 weeks ago saying he doesn't love me It broke my heart & I thought he was crazy but now I've had time to reflect I think that us being apart right now & working on ourselves is the best thing - we lost our identities & both want to find who we are again.
He's sticking by the statement "I don't love you like I should" and that too much has happened and he can't handle it right now - he's said he doesn't want divorce yet & he doesn't know how he'll feel in the future but right now we can't be together, he's openly admitted this he's 'sitting on the fence'. I can see that it's all too much for him to handle so he's just shut off & walked away, thrown himself into work and his new found freedom. He's also become close to a female he met in rehab, she's apparently gay (he told me this a long time ago) but they have still developed a close relationship, I'm sure there's nothing physical but defo emotional - he says they're just friends & get on well so she supports him, he said they do talk/text and see each other at meetings but there's nothing romantic going on.
We have 2 children together plus a business so I've been trying to do the 180 as best I can and keep contact minimal - he's keen to still be best friends & to still do things as a family, he seems very confused & gives very mixed messages. He's got lots of resentments towards me & so much guilt from how he's treated me in the past, he feels like I trapped him in our relationship and that he wasn't able to be who he wanted to be, I absolutely take some of the responsibility as to why we're here but he seems very eager to forget his part right now, maybe that makes what he's doing easier idk?!
He's still happy to spend time with me "as friends" which I'm taking as a positive thing, I'm trying to focus on the here & now and working on myself but when we do see each other make it as positive as possible. My main aim is reconciliation when we're both ready, he can't see past how he feels now at the moment. We've been to RC purely for the kids, we've agreed to work on our communication & avoiding conflict, also to notice & point out each other's positives, we don't have an apt for about 6 weeks now though so will see how things go.
I want to avoid divorce if possible and try to get to know each other again, fresh start and see what happens... If it's not meant to be then I can accept that but I don't want to give up without a fight as we've never both actively tried whilst he's been in recovery. I really believe he does love me underneath but right now doesn't want to feel it. He wants mental space, we've agreed to not talk about the future as neither of us know what will happen, it's so hard at times but I have to do it because talking about it just pushes him away, he's been a little more open & bringing things up himself recently which is good. I know this is going to take time & I need to just let him go through this process but at the same time it's very hard emotionally as I love him & want it to work! I want to create positive time together to give the opportunity for him to see that it's not all bad yet at the same time I don't want to just be a pushover and allow him to have the best of all worlds!!
Any help or advice would be great - really need support right now! Any questions or things I've missed please ask away too x
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
It broke my heart & I thought he was crazy but now I've had time to reflect I think that us being apart right now & working on ourselves is the best thing - we lost our identities & both want to find who we are again.
