Rise & Shine V

[bluesgal]

3,

Lfw gave a nice summary of your question. I would prefer to drop the rope with confidence in myself and in a loving way.

Do you want to give up? What do you want 'dropping the rope' to mean for you?

[labug]

I still love you (and always will in some little place), I appreciate our times together, and I wish you the best on your next adventures. I am not going to let our past control my present or future....However those times unfold for me.

Really "letting go" is done with acceptance of the present....not filled with anger, hate, etc....But more a loving good bye.

Does that makes sense? LOL

This is one of the best explanations of DTR I've heard. Thanks, LFW.

And that;s just the way it feels, too.

But it's a process more than a destination and every step you take toward you, get's you closer.

I know it's a bit scary cause we get stuck in thinking "but that's not what I want! I want what I had!" That's where acceptance comes in, what you had is no longer available to you.

Be grateful for what you have today.

[3boymom]

LFW, Blues and Bug - Thank you so much for your advice and words of wisdom. LFW - I love you explanation for DTR.

I have reached the point of accepting that my old life is no longer available to me. For the first time in a long time, I am just trying to live in the moment and love my little guys with everything that I have.

I am struggling a bit today. My BFF at work had her baby last night and I am now slammed with work since I will be covering most of her stuff while she is out the next 12 weeks. I was already overwhelmed to begin with. I would love to just crawl under my desk (if I can find it under the millions of files that have now been dumped on top of it) and close my eyes and forget about my life for a little bit. I feel like I am being stretched to my limit in almost every aspect of my life. I will keep going but dang I would use a break with something/anything.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[3boymom]

I am still at work but cant get anything done so I figured that I would write this down to get it off my chest and out of my mind. Two of my BFFs welcomed new babies this week. I am beyond thrilled for them. However, looking at their pictures of their new bundles of joy in the hospital have brought up some bad memories that I have been trying to forget. When S3 was born, my H could barely stand to be there. In fact, he left me alone at the hospital for 7 hours to hang out at a bar with OW. I sat in the room holding my brand new bundle all alone. We did not even have a name yet for S3 because H could not take five minutes away from work/phone/laptop to decide. At some point, H stopped answering his phone. I remember sobbing in my bed and telling S3 that I would love him double to make up for my H's lack of love. My FIL walked in and sat with me sobbing while I waited for H to show up. Of course when H showed up, he was mad at ME. This is definitely not how I pictured by little guys first few days with us.

To this day, my H has never apologized for that incident or anything really. I feel like he ruined those really special first days with a new baby. I also had no idea that S3 will probably be my last baby. H and I always talked about having a huge family and always planned on at least four kids. My H has taken away that dream as well.

I 100% love my kids and fully realize that I am blessed. But I always assumed that I would have four kiddos. I wonder if I will always feels like a piece of my family is missing. I want that feeling of pure bliss and happiness that you get when you hold a new baby for the very first time. I am just so tired of sadness and heartache. BLAHHH

I guess that you just need to take some time to grieve every once in a while. Ok, I am done venting. Back to work

[Lostforwords]

That is definitely a rough memory 3B.....Hugssss

I really am lost for words on this....Just keep your chin up and eyes forward, The now is getting better and that is your answer to this past.

[3boymom]

Thanks LFW. Sometimes it just helps to get these crappy memories out there and have someone (even strangers on the internet) acknowledge that it did suck and that everyone involved deserved better.

My five minute pity party is over. I am going to have a blast with my kiddos tomorrow. I am going to head to the store on Sunday to buy adorable, itty bitty clothes for those sweet new babies and make plans to meet them (and get my newborn fix) next week.

[juliegayle]

3. I am at work and tearing up gron your post. That is a very hard memory. You are right we need to give ourselves time to grieve- current sitch, past sadness and loss of dreams.

Then you can ho home to your cl3an and organized house and relax!!! Hope you don't go toi crazy at work.

[labug]

You can have 4. Who knows what's ahead of you.

Your story is heartbreaking. You deserve so much more than your H is able to give you.

(((3)))

[3boymom]

Julie - Your post about going home to an organized house made me LOL at my desk. Glad I was the only one left at the office

Bug - Your post meant a lot. You are right. I do deserve so much more than my H has offered me the past few years. I need the reminder that my H is not the only person deciding if he wants to be M. I have to really evaluate whether I want my H in my life in a role other than co-parent. I know that I have control over my future. If I decide that I want 4 kids, I can make that happen with or without H or another guy for the matter. Heck, there are celebrity moms out there that had babies on their own without a guy in their life. Not saying that I would do it, but the option is out there. While I can't force H to remain married to me, I can control the remainder of my life. I just have to make sure that I am not letting fear dictate my decisions.

[bluesgal]

Good for you, 3